Don't Know Where To Begin...

I am 50 years old and I will have been married for 25 years this coming October. She is my best friend, my sweetheart, my confidant, the "yin to my yang"... I don't know what I would do with out her. We have three grown kids....

But, I live in a sexless marriage.... we have not been intimate but two or three times in the last four years. I know that I am not too bad looking, I am pretty much in shape, women still seem to be attracted to me... (I get hit on and flirted with at work occassionally). I am old school, I have been faithful to my wife for the entire 25 years.

I guess what I miss most is not the sex, but the intimacy...the touching, the kissing, the holding, spooning on a cold winter night, cuddling on the couch watching some sappy "chick" flick...

I feel like it is destroying the "who" that I am... like an acid or cancer etching away at my soul.... I question my masculinity, I get depressed, I get melancholy...

I have tried all of the talking about it, the date nights, the candles and massages, long slow foreplay...oral for till my jaw hurts...fantasy play, role play...etc etc etc ad nauseum...

I don't know what else to do... I don't want to lose my wife.... I love her till death do us part...I am just afraid that I am the one dying here...

I didn't even know about this place, or that anyone else out there was even in the same circumstance that I was...I thought I was alone...that something is wrong with me... It's not like I need little blue pills or anything like that...hell I ********** 2 or 3 times a day...been that way since I was 12... have a pretty healthy libido...so I know that all the parts work...even the one that counts the most...the big head....

I don't do the **** on the internet thing...I get more from erotic literature than I do from looking at pictures or movies...I like my brain to be titalated...not just my body...

So...I guess that is me...

Dave

dkg1 dkg1
46-50, M
8 Responses Mar 9, 2010

Try The Grope.

Hi dkg1,<br />
<br />
I too live in a sexless mariage (now for almost 4 years, i am 41 years old and also healthy), there is no legal protection for us males in this very bad situation. If your wife still has an ok health and refusing you sex she is an agressive person , ruining your life and actively daily hurting you very hard. In my country (Belgium) as in a lot of other western european countries , it is stated by law that wife and husband (only legally married persons) have the obligation to have a sexual relation (of course only "normal" sexual relationship is an obligation). Your wife is behaving like a criminal towards you. Is it also a crime in the country where you live ?<br />
Even in the Holy Bible it is stated that married couples should give sex to each other (visa versa). And also that when you marry your body belongs not to yourself anymore but to your husband/wife, so if she says that she has the right to do with her body what she wants she is wrong. <br />
My wife says this , and she just wants me to get a divorce. Me being a christian , i can only get another marriage if my wife dies or has sex with another man, but she is not into other men either, so she basically is now the devils best soldier , putting a HUGE amount of stress on me every single day... <br />
You are in a similar situation, but i dont think you are a real christian, thus not really taking the Bible as Gods word.<br />
I hope you can work things out with your wife and that she can see that she has no right to refuse sex to her husband.<br />
If you really are clueless on the Bible i can give you the verses on sexuality in the Bible. My wife knows these verses very well, but chooses to be on the devils side , not taking into account the cruelty she is putting onto me , every single day.

We have had the talk...<br />
We have had the date nights...<br />
The alone time...<br />
The intimate weekend...<br />
<br />
Etc, etc, ad nauseum...<br />
It is like she has just lost all interest...<br />
She has been to the Dr's... nothing out of the norm of any consequence...<br />
No she is not losing her mind...I would see it...after 25 years of marriage and 27 together I know her better than I know myself... I just don't think sex interests her anymore...

She might be losing her mind. <br />
<br />
I do not mean that to be insulting. Mental illness is a reality and often it develops gradually but it does not have to.

All of a sudden? Quit cold turkey?<br />
No one wants the 'I'm just going to lay here until you're finished' sex. That is the worst kind.<br />
I would rather she keep denying me then to do that. At least I know she doesn't want it instead of faking it from the get-go.<br />
<br />
If you haven't had one, I think it's time for 'the talk'. You might find she needs something medical. Not sure - but everything to nothing is drastic.

Thanks folks...didn't expect any magic answers or bullets for that matter... after all these years it was just nice to know that I was not alone...<br />
Sometimes I just don't get it...we have always had a rich and varied sex life from the mundane to the kinky, from sublime to light S & M, we have tried just about everything legal and I am sure a few things that were not exactly legal... and to go from that to absolutely freaking nothing... I just don't know how to deal with it anymore... I have an extremely high sex drive so this has hit me pretty hard.<br />
I don't know what else to do...<br />
What else to say...<br />
Have been down the "Just try doing this" route...and nothing seems to work...<br />
The few times that we have done it in the last few years it is like she just lays there and I feel like I am using her body to ********** in....no participation...even after a few hours of dedicated trying at foreplay...and I am a pretty oral guy...<br />
The weird part is that the rest of the time everything is fine, loving, attentive, all the things that you would expect in a marriage between spouses of 25 years... <br />
I just don't flat get it....

Wow. You deserve a gold medal. <br />
<br />
You are right about one thing: It is killing you. However, your frigid wife is already dead. She is a zombie.

Thank you...until I found this site yesterday I thought I was alone....that I was the only one in the world living like this...I could understand it if it was her health or something like that, but it all comes down to the intimacy....nothing so great for the ego as having your life partner tell you "don't touch me"....when all you are doing is laying your hand on her shoulder or her arm while laying in the bed...with sex being the fartherest thing from your mind at the time... thanks...