Something's Wrong With This Picture

I am 38 years old, college-educated, reasonably attractive if somewhat on the plump side and I am

in a nearly sexless marriage. This is certainly not what I pictured when I thought about marriage in my younger days.

This is a far-cry from it. I married my best friend because I knew he would make a good father and I figured my bio-clock

was ticking away to its final tocks. To be honest, I married him coming off of a huge broken heart. I did not believe in true-love

anymore so I settled for the cozy predictability of being married a close friend ven though there was No passion.

I musty say though that our early days of marriage were novel and thrilling as far manoevers under the sheets.

I think he was on his toes because he really wanted to get me preggie fast which he achieved.

Subsequently though it seems like he aged at warp speed and his desire has massively flagged.

It's incredibly sad to me that he must self-stimulate himself in order to do anything sexual to me and this he only does

twice every 3 months. I think that ther must exist something better for me. I tell myself that he's a kindly man, that he looks after

our baby well and he doesnt drink or do drugs. However there's also a voice in my head saying that this soooo abnormal and I can

hardly stand it anymore. It's not normal for married people to sleep in separate beds and make no effort to change the situation.

      I told him he has 6 months to change or I am absolutely divorcing him. I'm told that sex is a good calorie burner but I wouldnt know

....I have gotten so depressed and fat due to no sexercise. Sighhh

At times I think even God gets sick of me praying that this month I will get some. I've even done some stupid things, strictly from hunger

and he doesnt seem to care about it. I gotta get out but its tough when you got a little kid to think of.

Gotmusicinme Gotmusicinme
36-40, F
7 Responses Mar 9, 2010

...i have a hunch he knew that you weren't passionate about your marriage all along.

brenna the fact of the matter is that he is Never ready and always self-stimulates himself. He actually told me he was afraid of other words he has ISSUES with a capital I.<br />
To DBeauty I was always open and honest with him and told him I would only marry him if he agreed <br />
it would be alright that we wouldnt be together longer than 3 years and He agreed to that.<br />
I feel sorry for him but I'm not going to let him stand in the way of my progress.

You say he has to stimulate himself - would you feel better if you stimulated him instead? As a woman I have found that men are more like us than we think, and that they also need a little foreplay, and do not always have the equipment "ready", particulary in a long term relationship. Perhaps if you stepped in and took over, either orally or manually, it would make you feel more included, and he would be more open to increased frequency, since it would be bettter for both of you?

I think you're really brave - and I wish you all the luck in the world. Don't worry about your weight, men love bigger women (ask them!), and you sound like a lovely, smart, caring woman. Good luck xx

Something else I was thinking, you know how you felt when you got married, from what I gather you didn't have passion for your husband because you had had your heart broken previously. <br />
Does your husband know this? Is he angry with you? <br />
Also, I wonder why he would marry someone that didn't feel completely in love with him. I'm not condemning you, I mean, I think it's healthy to move on, and many people grow to love the new person in their lives in a very mature way. <br />
I'm just curious if he feels that having sex with you is upsetting because he can't really "have" you because your heart belongs somewhere else? Just a thought.....

I'm sorry. I'm in the same boat, but I applaud you for doing something about it.

I'm so sorry to hear of your predicament. I understand completely. It's a real emotional drain when you can't be with your loved one sexually. <br />
Did he say why he's a Refuser?