Don't Understand Him

My husband's birthday was yesterday. He worked an overnight shift the night before and when he came home, I had an appointment that I had to go to and he was sleeping when I got home, so this morning when he came home, he crawled into bed with me and was actually kissing me. We were both naked and kissing, he was hard. I had to go, but was willing to be a little late and I offered to give him a blow job.


He said no. I thought I had heard everything, but that really flabergasted me. He was obviously ready to go, I wasn't asking for anything in return and I still get a no? I just don't understand. I really don't. He said he wanted to wait until tonight, but it's 2 am and I have to be up by 8:30. I feel like he's just waiting me out. God, I just wish for once that he would just tell me what the **** is wrong. Even if it's me, I just want ONE straight answer from him. 

meerin meerin
31-35, F
10 Responses Mar 13, 2010

I agree with the consensus.. I think I would give both my right and left arm for just an ounce of that treatment..most guys would. If most women made the kind of effort you made, there wouldn't be many members of this group at all.<br />
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If you have given up, don't stay. Why be miserable in a marriage that makes you unhappy. There are plenty on men who will try bery hard to make you happy. People say this yet never leave. If you don't want to spend your life this way, do something about it. It won't happen by itself. Make your decisions and act on them. Or I guess you could always learn to love ************ only.

I have tried delving into it. I have asked if he still wants me, if there is something wrong with the marriage and I have even asked if he was gay. I tried to get him to go to counseling, but it was the same line I always get: he loves me, thinks I'm beautiful, he wants me, he will try harder etc, but nothing changes. I don't think it will ever get better. I've pretty much given up.

Sweetheart, it is obvious that something is wrong. This is expecially true since he was erect and still said no. To me, it sounds like you are being punished for some percieved wrong. Men just don't say no when they have erections. You need to dwelve into this much deeper. I would recomend counseling. If he won't go, that in itself will tell you something.

Crazy isn't it? Guys are hitting the clubs and other places looking for action. Men complain of wives who have turned away from sex for various reasons and you are simply trying to love and be loved. I understand wanting to be touched and feel human. I'm proud of you for sticking to it - hopefully you get some encouragement here and maybe some good advice.

Thanks. Today, he claimed he wanted to screw my brains out.... but he has a migraine unfortunately. <br />
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Maybe he thought I had an elaborate birthday sex scheme planned out and he decided to be proactively sabotage it. Guess I have to send the hollow cake I was going to jump out of back now.

Who knows WHAT goes on in their (nutty!) heads!!!! {{{Hugs}}} Meerin.

Utter madness!

Thanks, guys. <br />
DKP, I've had the conversation a few hundred times and the most I've gotten is that he's stressed-for 8 years, apparently. You would think he'd have seen someone about that by now. In the beginning, I was sure it was me. Now, I can see that it's him most of the time: It's just difficult to remember that when you're being rejected yet again. Especially this one, because I was sure there was no way he'd turn me down when he was obviously ready. <br />
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ED, I just wish he'd say what it is. I can't fix or help him fix what I don't know about. I think it's going to be awhile before I offer again. I don't offer all that often anymore as it is because it's almost always a guaranteed no. I do it every once in awhile because I'm human and need to be touched, but that's almost as bad because, like you, it's mechanical and more about him than me. <br />
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V, That actually sounds like a really good option. Honestly, though, I don't know if I'd even believe the truth. I've heard so many excuses, that it would probably just sound like one more to add to the list. <br />
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I finally went to bed about 3:15 and he came up after me and claimed he had no idea it was so late.

I agree - something is wrong. You were extra kind in your offer to be late and to 'service' your man. Why did he turn you down, this may be difficult to understand. Coming from a man, there may be many reasons. Some men get mentally separated from their partner. Some men with absolutely georgous wives loose interest in them. <br />
Many times it's due to **** and fantasy therefore the female he is with doesn't seem to measure up. I am one who lives in an almost sexless marriage, yet there are times when she still needs sex. When it happens it's quite mechanical therefore I find myself straying into a fantasy - not because I want to but because it's necessary. <br />
Keep loving your man and keep offering to please him, maybe you'll get your answer soon. Many many men would be thrilled to have a wife do what you did - sure doesn't sound like it's you.