Fool Am I

It's amazing how all of these could be my story. I've been married for 15 years, got married very young. About 5 years ago, my wife went through a very sudden and deep depression. Didn't know if she wanted to be married anymore. I fought at first but after about a year, I just begged her to decide. During that time, I feel our very real and passionate connection was severed. She got over it, decided she was still in love but I didn't get over it. 2 years ago I met a girl at a work related event and became obsessed. She was nothing like any girl I had ever fancied before. She had tattoos and brightly colored hair but i thought she was beautiful and I loved her smile. She was sweet and clearly smitten with me even though she had a long term bf. My ego really got a boost hearing her say she could never see me romantically, and yet watch her pop up where I was clearly just to see me. We had a long term fb relationship that eventually blossomed into actual love and intimacy. We met, and did the things that lovers do. I tried to leave my wife, but pity and guilt kept me from pulling the trigger. My wife is clingy and not the sort of person to say "screw him. I'll Find someone else.". Well my lover got tired of the back and forth and left and made it clear it was over. Now I'm suffering withdrawls and guilt plus a lack of interest in my wife, who is attractive but has all sorts of minor physical and mental issues that make sex feel like more of a
chore I dread. I know intellectually that had I left with my lover, reality might have set in and it might have ended. But then I'd be free instead of pining away locked in an unsatisfying marriage. It's hard to see how leaving could have been worse.
Justanotherfool Justanotherfool
36-40, M
4 Responses Mar 14, 2010

Swagg - i don't think, in situations like this, ANY break up is easy! It certainly wasn't for me and neither is it for many who have posted on here, after deciding to leave! And're definitely right there - i left, not for anyone else but myself!

Wow i never thought dat ppl can break up so easy.

Been there still there. You would probably be amazed that there are thousands upon thousands of sex less marriages.

Ya know ... you don't have to leave FOR someone else. You can just leave for your own sake and sanity. <br />
You're not a fool. Read lots more here. Welcome, we understand.