The End Is Getting Closer.....

Hi folks, been a while since I updated my story...

Those of you that know, last Oct, i left my husband. We had been living a virtually sexless existence ever since we got married nearly 3yrs ago (together for 6) and without going into the full story, u can take my word that MUCH was attempted to rectify the situation (on my behalf) all of which was snubbed by my husband. Head in sand syndrome.

Anyway...the house went on the market just before Xmas, and it completes a week tomorrow. As we get ever closer to that day (which is also when my husband and my beloved dog, move back to Scotland...i am just south of London) things are getting rather distressing and emotional. I think its just pure sadness that is getting me down...sadness that things ended this way....sadness that no amount of effort on my behalf to try and solve the problem were ignored or dismissed. For me, marriage was for life...but all that tradition has been blown out the water.

Today, for whatever reason, i've been in a virtual pit of depression thinking about it all - on the whole, i've coped with it all very well...afterall, i guess it was my decision to leave, but i'm not entirely sure that makes it any easier to deal with. In fact, I think it makes it harder, because not only am i dealing with the same feelings of loss and failure, but i'm also experiencing feelings of guilt....guilt about ruining my husband's life, and upsetting his family (fortunately, his parents adore me and want to stay in contact)....

Anyway, just felt like sharing this with you today...its all pretty upsetting, but, "the show must go on" and i'm fortunate to have a solid base of support, via friends and family....i don't know what's worse...living in a sexless marriage, or going through the pain of leaving. I know, in time, things will get better....since Oct i've had some really great times (and feelings over overwhelming freedom and happiness) but every now and then, i get drawn back down to earth with a big thump and it all becomes very 'real' again....

isthisit4eva isthisit4eva
26-30, F
15 Responses Mar 14, 2010

Haha thanks Inspector...and its working out just brilliant for me thanks for asking. It was probably the hardest decision I've ever had to make but probably the best and I've not looked back! In Oct this year, my STBXH and I would have been separated 18 months and we are shortly starting our divorce! When you know, you know - it's time to go! Unlike your situation, once I'd made my decision to leave, I moved out so we didn't have to live together throughout the process which certainly helped! I know a few EP peeps on here have done that tho so worth scouting a few of their stories. Either way, it's doable! Good luck and keep us posted on how things go!

Sounds like you took control and leapt back into the world - so very brave. How's it working out for you now? <br />
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I ask because I may be about to jump myself and I could do with knowing a lot about how it was once you (both) had decided it was over but were still forced to share the same house/<br />
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I also ask because you're only an hour away from me and you look GORGEOUS!!

Thanks 4PM60 - it's never an easy decision to leave but I had to in order to regain my life! I hope some of my stories help those in similar situations...I'm now back on EP letting those know what its like on the other side!! It really is a beautiful place :)

Eva, I'm SO happy for you. It was incredibly sad reading about your pain when he left, and the loss of your "forever" dream, but I know you made the right decision, Probably the biggest thing of all is that instead of getting another 1, 2, 5 or 10 years down the track in this ****** situation, and being exponentially more damaged because of it, you got out relatively early. I hope ALL EPeeps read this and TAKE NOTE!!! There are far too many of us here who have sacrificed 10, 15, 20 years of our precious lives to a dead-end marriage. You are a shining example to all those who are too afraid to leave.<br />
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WELL DONE!

Thank you spectre128 - it's been over a year now since that dreaded day...and my life has changed enormously! I feel for all those who are in the situation that i WAS in! My husband and I will shortly start our divorce...I could never have made that decision without the help and support of all the EP'ers...so thank you to you all x

You look stunning in your photo, so I can't understand why a man would refuse you either, sounds like you made the right choice, even if it is hard for a while. Good luck, stay brave.

You made the right move. Why on earth would a man with hold sex from his wife? It's beyond me.

Thank you Enna - it was most certainly, the hardest day, i've ever faced in my life (and i've done a fair few 'challenging' things in my time)...it was awful....it was sad....there were tears and 'I'm sorry's' from us both....there were HOURS of uncontrollable sobbing (from me) after i watched him drive off with my pooch....i felt numb....got incredibly drunk last night....more sobbing ensued....today....i still feel numb, but no more tears....hand keys in tomorrow as the house completes...then this chapter of my life really will be over....thank u, for all ur support EP....I hope things will get better and easier from here....

Eva, you have all the caring support of us all as you face this difficult moment. Dear girl, hold onto the fact that this is "the first day of the rest of your life" - to quote a cliche! And WHAT a life it is going to be!! Lots of {{{Hugs}}} to get you through the day.

Well - tomorrow is the day....the day i say 'goodbye' to the last nearly 7 years of my life! My husband moves back to Scotland (taking my beloved pooch, who i've spent the last 2 glorious days with)...and the house is empty....<br />
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....what happens from here on in....who knows!

vectorking - u may be right....i'm devastated to be losing my darling pooch! :'-( but have 2 whole, glorious days with her Thurs/Fri this week....can't wait :-) my chance to say goodbye to her properly!

I'd say you're having more issues with the dog leaving. I know I would.<br />
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Just remember - 'virtually sexless for 3 years'. Repeat - out loud if you have to.<br />
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Then go get rowdy drunk at a good Chelsea match (and root for them for me, since I can't be there).

Thank you Analyzer and LostinTheWoulds.....you're words are very kind...strength is most definitely needed!!!

Thanks Enna - this is most definitely the right decision, and nostalgia is most definitely NOT a threat...i know time is a great healer...and if i can just get through this week (and i'm expecting more tears...will only be natural) then i'll have come out the other end a stronger person! Plenty to keep me busy in the meantime :-)<br />
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Thanks also thingV - i know it will pay dividends...it already is! One step at a time eh :-)

Is thisit$eva, your feelings are very natural and normal. If you wish, read my story "The Last 48 Hours" and you will see I had very similar feelings.<br />
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You are grieving the end of your marriage and also for the relationship that COULD have been . . . It is a double whammy. Be especially kind to yourself - distract yourself (friends, movies, etc) and you WILL get through this.<br />
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Nostalgia is a great threat to us at these times - we think about how things were, how they could have been - and start wondering if we have done the right thing after all. . . Believe me! It IS right and you will gradually start to feel better as time passes.<br />
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}