I Take The Blame

I have no desire to tell my whole story, but I did have an affair (it happened three times...) and I confessed.

He forgave me, decided that we should stay married.  I told him if he wanted to go, I would understand.  He chose to stay and for the most part we got through it alright.  Fast forward a couple of years later and I find him spending hundreds of dollars a month on these 900 numbers.  No **** on the web but the phone bill!  He doesn't realize that even though it's a paperless billing that I can still log on and see the bill.  He said he was just "talking" to people, not about sex, but about life in general.  Um...no, I don't think so.  (laughs)  For the most part, I understand that it's a bit of revenge.  But when is enough enough?  This was going on LONG before I ever "crossed that line" (God forgive me) but after I confessed it just went through the roof.  

I am paranoid about having sex with him, not to mention that I'm not remotely attracted to him.  HIM, as a person, is a wonderful person.  But a year after we were married he put on 80 lbs, let his family walk all over me, and fast forward 18 years he no longer even acts like he's interested in me.  Honestly, I married Brad Pitt and a year later he turned into Homer Simpson.   People look at me when we're together and you can see that look in their eyes saying, "Whoa..odd couple!"  But he's a really good person in spite of this one bad habit.  As for his weight, well, I've been asking him since he put it on to lose it and he just looks at me like, "for better or worse" and how dare I be so shallow!  So, I've given up asking.  Especially since I confessed!  MY shame is the shame laid out on the table.  Eh, but I know I deserve that.  There's never a good excuse to cheat...I know.  

But....

What do I do now?

cnavarre cnavarre
36-40, F
4 Responses Mar 14, 2010

i think there are a few good reasons to have an affair the withholding of sex is one,,the inabilety to have sex is another,,so dont have too much guilt ,,life is what it is,,we all need to have love'n,,most of us are looking for it ,,forgive your self being human,,

Get the hell out of that relationship and move on with your life. either as a single or see if you can meet a better man. But don't marry again off the rebound. You might regret it.

cNav, <br />
You asked " But when is enough enough? " and the answer -- as it is with most of us in non-loving marriages -- is in your hands: enough is when YOU decide to quit. You decide. <br />
<br />
However, like most of us, there is more to your story that you have glossed over. Specifically, your physical or financial constraints play more of a role in the grand scheme of things than does morality. So, let us look at that and maybe you can starting thinking of a long term plan. <br />
<br />
Can you two afford to divorce now? <br />
At the time that you confessed to the affair, could you two have afforded to divorce?

Love the analogy. I might use that with him; lol. Thanks.