Very Sad Situation But At Least I'm Not Alone....

I'm 49 and haven't had sex with my husband in 5 years. Before then it was pretty infrequent, he never initiated and had

problems with maintaining erection. Part of it is that I am a light sleeper and he has sleep apnea---really loud and breathing sounds like he's choking.

I encouraged him to get treatment for the apnea but we stopped sleeping in the same bed because I got really sleep deprived and kept having to go to the sofa and put a pillow over my head. I have cried and said I am really depressed about the prospect of never having sex for the rest of my life or getting a divorce. I don't want to start over with someone else. We have two great kids and we both love them and care about each other. I also feel guilty since my husband has lost his brother 4 years ago and his mother 2 years ago. His father is very mean and abusive to him and we also had a major wallop in that his business was destroyed by Katrina. I keep thinking that I can wait until he is better: physically, emotionally, career-wise etc. I know all these things affect him sexually but now I fear it's been so long that I don't even see how it would happen. We are like roomies, barely even talk. I try to bring it up and he

has little to say about the topic. I really don't think he's cheating but maybe I'm being naive.

I'm not as attractive as I was when we met, but who is after 15 years, two kids and a hard life? I know I'm still worthy of love and decent looking.




abrow5 abrow5
2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

Please read LOTS of stories and posts on this forum. You will find it very helpful and it will answer lots of your questions.<br />
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The two "biggies" are the hardest though . . . <br />
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1) WHY does he do this? You may never know - often the person themselves doesn't know.<br />
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2) Will it get better? Probably NOT - it very very rarely does.<br />
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But you will still be helped a great deal by reading here. Post your own posts and add to the forum with comments. Learn as much as you can. And may I suggest you start with a beautiful story by Dolphin Champ called "Good morning sunshine". . . . .

MadamR-<br />
YOU are a doll! How very thoughtful and supportive. It does help to know someone else is in the same boat---but what do we do? Just accept it? I have really thought hard about that, in a sense it would be like becoming a nun or a monk, just living the rest of my life as a celibate person and focusing on spiritual life. But something about being married, I have this expectation of intimacy and<br />
it doesn't seem to bother him at all. I am not aberrant or sex-crazed, a couple times a month would be fine for me. What's so baffling is that he has never said anything about wanting or missing sex. Isn't that strange for a man in his forties? I'd really appreciate some feedback from a husband out there.<br />
Hugs back to you in Florida, you are wonderful.