Something To Nothing.

I thought I would share my experience.

Things started slowly for us.  We did not consummate the marriage for three months.  But once we started it was great.  It slowly became less and less but there were points like birthdays and anniversary getaways where the old desires would come back.  Right up to the 25th anniversary things had slowed but not stopped.  It took a straight hour to bring her to the big o.  But I wanted to make her happy.  Then the floor fell out beneath us.    

Then she had to have a radical hysterectomy because the doctor was fearing cancer.  Everything but the vagina removed.  The doctor was no help to my wife either pre or post operative and gave us no warning of what was to come. 

All sex died off.  My complaint of only having it once or twice a week seems foolish now that there is nothing.  My wife has no sexual thought, fantasy or feeling.  She will do nothing to reignite passion or desire.  I tried dvd's and books.  While she reacted to them she felt that we should not use them and she threw them all away.  She will not go to counseling.  She will not take oral hormones.  Any advice from books to try to woo her or other self help books have no answer.  She is scandalized by my personal outlet for this lack of sex.  She allows sex once a month and one time only.  Her vagina cannot take further punishment. (Her view.)  I really hate it if she puts up with it in pain.  It makes me feel like a pig.  She thinks I am oversexed for wanting it more than once a month. 

I am very frustrated here at our 30th year of marriage.  We are both in our 50's and the future is not as bright.  She loves to cuddle and soon she is asleep against me.  I cannot think of leaving because it would be like giving a beating to a cripple.  No one would be on my side.  I really need ideas of how to cope.  I have one child left at home and if I entertained leaving it could not happen before that child leaves in four years or so.

She says she loves me but leaves me with nothing.  This is my fate.  No sex and mere memories of a past sexual life I thought would go on.            

tyedye tyedye
51-55, M
1 Response Mar 15, 2010

Well come to a real fact of life with out your health the pleasures of life deminish, if you had the same problem what would you say than. I have been there done that, I loved her and that is all I needed and after I didn't die or beat her to sumission life go's on. you must ajust and after my wife passed I still love her and God cheated me out of being with her and I will rease hell when he calls me and if I go to hell for what I will say it will be woth it and when I get down there there will be alot of hand shaking going on. In my heart I know wear she went and she is looking down at me now.