Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex

I agree with LostLeila and i feel like people take marriage as a joke almost these days because they can always just get a divorce and move on.  I feel your pain as a women and a refuser because my partner does the same thing. I had a procedure done and that night he was asking to  have sex well knowing that we could not. If i am on my period he complains like i chose to do this and it is my fault that i typically have painful cramps. Yet my pain means nothing because sex is more important. Sex sex sex is all he wants and asks for without ever giving me the time to want it from him as well. The weekend of my procedure i was in a lot of pain and had a fever. He complained and was so upset that i did not want to have sex with him that i did not love him or find him attractive. When i was just in so much pain ( I had an iud placement so my uterus was not happy ) and yet he expected me to have sex with him. Most of our conversations are about sex and that is it.  He believes that we should be having sex 2 to 3 times a day ( where do i find the time haha? ) . I cannot tell you how many times i have wanted to have sex with him but then when i get to asking he starts demanding it which automatically turns me off. I hate the feeling that i am just some piece of *** and that is all he wants me for. Maybe for the men who have wifes who are refusing maybe you should make them feel like a women again. Like you love them for who they are and what they do. Maybe some appreciation is in order and let them be the dictator of sex. As a women i want to be appreciated and loved for who i am and not what i can give you. A little appreciation can go a long way and maybe that is all she needs. Eventually when all i hear is sex more then positive things then i no longer want to have sex with that person who just views me as meat. We are no going to counseling to work through this and get a better relationship together. I think with counseling you can save your marriage because marriage is worth fighting for.

bleubirdz bleubirdz
18-21, F
13 Responses Apr 2, 2010

IpheliaPayne, I agree with you totally. This young woman is looking for help. For those of us with years of experience and some insight, it is important to offer help. She admits that she did not know where to go here in a heartfelt way and we can honor this. <br />
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Bleubirdz, any man who would get angry at you for not wanting sex after a painful medical procedure is no man for you! Common sense tells a person that this is a time for rest and healing. Marrying this man will not change him. Counseling might open up his eyes but this will take time and a lot of work on his part. If his attitude does not change a lot then having a family on down the road will only make matters worse. <br />
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Place value on yourself. If you do not then he will not. A good counselor will help you do this. You sound like a person who has already accomplished a lot in your life and take pride in this fact. Don't allow anyone here to put you off with comments that are not welcoming. You are welcome and will find that many members see past the protocol and just want to help in any way possible. Blessings,D.

bleubirdz- my mouth is way to big and it comes through in my, I just have to throw my 2 cents in the mix. (Mainly to the above poster)<br />
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Good god, get a grip. This is one human being reaching out to other. Does it make a **** bit of difference where she posts her story? She needed to let it out, and chose to do it here. I personally think anyone who lets "US" into their worlds are very brave. Nowhere does it say..."here,you have to read this story"...<br />
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Now that's in the clear...<br />
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I have to agree with others in saying RUN. Far and Fast from this TAKER. If they are ***** before you marry them, will only intensify after. <br />
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Good luck and Best Wishes~

I'd like to say I don't fault your story your in a lot of pain and It is good that you are going to counseling... but is this the place to post it? I mean I have sex with my H no matter how much pain I'm in or how ****** he treats me because if I don't then, he withholds extralong time and tells me he just can't stand the rejection... So I respect your pain... can you respect the people here who are also in pain? Yes you have a problem in your marriage and we totally support you what ever you decide but saying some thing like: <br />
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"Maybe for the men who have wifes who are refusing maybe you should make them feel like a women again. Like you love them for who they are and what they do. Maybe some appreciation is in order and let them be the dictator of sex. As a women i want to be appreciated and loved for who i am and not what i can give you. A little appreciation can go a long way" <br />
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isn't exactly kind when we spend our days banging our heads against a wall trying to figure out why the hell they don't want us. Most guys here do their damnedest to make their wives feel empowered and loved... They aren't your husband so if you want to voice your feelings about men being ***** this group isn't the best place for it... I am sure there are women who feel the same way you do... and you can find them... but here we need love that is why we are here.... facing rejection all day from our significant other isn't easy so please respect that

Thank you, and you are correct. I will take all advice to heart and at least i can change my number for free ha. I hope you all have a beautiful day today wherever you are resided in and have a good weekend.

He does not consider your feelings at all. That is a huge, glaring red flag. There is no reason a grown up should throw a fit when they don't get sex for ONE DAY after you have had a medical procedure. His immaturity speaks volumes. So does the guilt trip he lays on you when you say no. I really do not think it's in your best interest to be with this guy.

Sorry i did not mean to be rude and I just did not know exactly where else to put this? There is no I am in a sexless relationship or my man is total selfish *** section either so I just chose this. I am new so give me a break a little. I guess i should give a little insight on how I was raised at the age of 15 I moved out of my home and into my own apartment. Ever since then I have been working and living on my own so I am 20 but people in my city have known me since I was 15 so I am treated like any older adult and with a lot of respect. I have done a lot in my age I started tending bar at the age of 16, wrote my first grant at 17 to start a kids camp for the poor, and started managing bars/coffee chops as well. I ran a music venue/warehouse for three years and i just am surrounded by older people so Chris and myself's age gape is pretty normal for myself. I know am only 20 but when you have to grow up early you feel a lot older, I think my youngest friend is 25.. I have known chris for a couple years and I am sorry if I have confused you but I am not yet married. I am supposed to be marrying this man and this problem has only started in the past four months or so. I have not been living like this for long but for me this is long enough. I just didn't know where else to post this?

One question here (and this is one of my favorites - my batting average is descent):<br />
Is he an only child? Or, is there a large gap between him and his siblings?<br />
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OK - 2 questions:<br />
Does he have a mother who has made him an uncontrollable 'mommy's boy'?<br />
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I mean really, by the time you're 25 you ought to have a pretty good handle on how to play nice in whatever sandbox you're in instead of just screaming 'my turn!' and taking all the toys.

BB - I think you'll see there's a lot of support for you here. We're not black and white, bashing anyone who refuses sex. Well, at least most of us aren't.<br />
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I think the consistent theme you'll find here is that we value and desire the "whole package", not just an ******. Yes, many of us are truly sexless, but many more are having infrequent but hollow sex and desire so much more. And we're here because we want to fix it.<br />
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Last i checked yes and last i check i don't have sex or any intimate moments. How does being sarcastic working out for you?

Thank you all, you have opened my eyes . We used to be so intimate together and did so many fun things. We would cook dinners together and come up with new fun recipes toghether, he would massage me before we made love and we used to ride bikes everywhere together. I think when he got comfortable he started just expecting me to just keep having sex but he no longer had to try and please me. I have to beg him to cook dinner on occasion or clean the house or finish the furniture that i could make damnit but i know it would make him feel good to finish it himself. I guess the reason i feel like i want a child so bad is possibly because i am just so lonely. I want to love and be loved back. Tonight is our first counseling session and i am really hoping that things can change. I love this man so much but i just am realizing i can not fill this void by having a child with him because in the end we will both be neglected. I know he is trying to change but he has been babied his whole life and he is turning 30 so it kinda drives me crazy that he is acting like such a juvenile for some reason. When we first met he was a different man.

You are not refusing sex. You are refusing to give yourself to someone who has no regard for you as a person. You are holding yourself up high and valuing yourself when you insist that your boundaries are not crossed.<br />
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If your man is not appreciative of you, if he has no respect for you, if he values nothing but what is between your legs - leave the *******. <br />
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It only gets worse the longer you stay.<br />
There are VERY GOOD MEN out there. They will cherish you for your uniquness, they will value the care you lavish on them and care for your needs when you are ill.<br />
Do not assume that all men are like the jerk you are married to.

And to clarify - I am on your side. You need a partner, not a dictator.

I am sorry you view yourself as a piece of meat. He shouldn't do that to you - it, quite frankly, seems as though he truly doesn't love you if this is how he is going to act. He is being very unreasonable. He really should appreciate you.<br />
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Since I know you are feeling hurt and a little angry, I will not comment too much on how us men should act to our wives. If you read some stories - you will find the women on this site in the same place you see men (simply replace men with women and wives with husbands in your story). And you will also find, if you read, that we (men or women) have jumped through 1 million hoops to make our wives (or husbands) feel appreciated and loved. It does nothing. Plus, for some self-abusive reason, we continue to work our ***** off to make them appreciate us - all the while knowing they probably won't. Not to 'back-at-you', but this forum isn't about just sex - it's intimacy, love, being wanted, touched, and everything else in a 'normal' relationship that we are missing. We have all tried as much as we can to appreciate our SO.<br />
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I certainly hope he starts to appreciate you. You are young and you are learning. Maybe you are seeing this a lot earlier than most. One thing though - do NOT think we are anything like your husband who just wants sex. None of us are like him, and a little bit… well… a lot of appreciation has gotten us nowhere.