I Live In a Sexless Marriage
Well i must admit this is the first time that I have ever done anything like this. I've been in a relationship with the same woman for the last 20 years. We have been married 15 of those years and have 2 beautiful children. I am a successful man with a great job. I've provided very well for my family and have given them everything that I could give them. I worked very hard to get where I am. My problem lies in the emptiness that I feel despite all of my achievements and accomplishments. I am a very open and affectionate man with my wife but over the last 10 years she has grown distant and the intimacy that we use to share has disappeared. I've taken her on trips to try to restart the passion and have tried to attend to her needs when my work doesn't keep me away. I've never cheated on her and have not had the desire to until her lack of desire for me began several years ago. Sex isn't fun anymore, she doesn't seem interested in sex with me and when it does happen I have to initiate and even that takes some coxing on my part. About the only time she has any desire for me is when she has had a few drinks. ( that doesn't happen very often either) I work out, look good for a 39 year old man and often get compliments from the other sex. We have sex 5-6 times a year, and half of those involve actual intercourse. What troubles me is that she doesn't even want to kiss me when we make love. Even when I walk into the door from a long day at work there is nothing. I go up to her and try to kiss her on the lips and she turns her head so that all I kiss is her cheek the same thing when I walk out the door. The lack of intimacy is one thing, but she also doesn't even want to go places with me. In all ou years of marriage she has never fostered friends or has really gone out with anybody. I make all of our social plans with the people I know.
There is always an excuse and a reason. When I bring up the subject she becomes so angry at me. She yells at me and tells me that If I'm unhappy with the situation that I should go out and find someone who will take care of my needs. I can't even begin to describe how painful that is to hear. I see no evidence of her cheating on me or being with another man. That at least would give me an answer to why this is happening.
Recently I had another woman look at me and express her interest in me as a man. The exhilaration that I felt when she looked at me and touched me was something that I haven't felt in such along time. Now my head can't get her out of my mind. I know that I can't have her, she is married as well, but the feeling that she gave me doesn't go away. Everytime I see her she is very flirtatious with me. If we sit together i will feel her leg rub against mine. At this point the thought of finding someone else lingers in my mind all the time, but then I think of my kids and what that would do to them. With all my education and experience you'd think that I would be able to make things better. I don't know how much longer I can take this. That is what scares me the most.
