My Wife Is Sick, We Can't Have Sex
I was a Christian and did the Christian thing of not having sex before marriage. We dated for about 9 months before getting married. I only got married because I thought God would want me to marry a Christian woman. She has an illness that means she can't work, and has to take a lot of expensive drugs.
Our honeymoon I discovered that we couldn't have sex. I assumed that it was just a glitch and we would get past it. Its not her fault, she experiences a lot of pain if we try anything... Its been about 2 years now, and I know that nothing will ever change. She is always sick, always will be.
She is sick, and will struggle to look after herself. I earn all the money, do all the shopping, most of the cooking. She is helpless without me.
We struggle with money, we can't travel, we will never have kids, we can't even adopt. This is it.
I am so sad.
I wish every day I had never met her.
I want to leave but I feel terrible about her being by herself.
I feel bad that the main reason I want to leave is because we don't have sex.
Is this it? Did I give my life away to support someone else?
She has violent outbursts of anger, and threatened to kick me out many times. 1 month ago, she got so bad she hit me, so I left. I was gone about 4 days. I came back to the house to pick up some stuff, and she begged me to come back. She promised that she would deal with her anger, and trust me more. I am a sucker for someone with tears streaming down their face. Im too soft hearted, always trying to save people. She has done really well since I came back. She has really controlled her anger.
I came back to the house.
I am so angry at myself for coming back.
I had a great reason to leave.
I will find a way out one day.
I used to be a passionate positive person, now my life is a dull grey.
Im so sad.
I guess I want people to tell me its OK to go. She is not my responsibility. Other people have such bad stories and they stay in aweful marriages for years. Its just been 2 years for me, and yet I'm giving up already. I just think that if I knew I would die in 5 years, I would never ever stay. This life is killing me. I was not meant to be someones nurse.
yes, ok, thanks for reading.