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Not Entirely Sexless

BF and I have been dating for almost two years now. For the past year we've been having sex once a week. That not horrible I guess, but I want more. I have told him I want more. I have told him a couple times I want more. Nothing changes. I'm beginning to resent him. I already have low self esteem, the infrequency of our intimacy only adds to it.

There must be a reason he isn't having sex with me. He says he's tired. My rational mind understands this. He works at a job he hates with a daily hour commute. When he gets home he just wants to relax, play some videogames, maybe have a glass of mead. This makes sense to me when I think about it rationally. But I don't always think rationally and when I move my hand down to stroke his naughty parts and get told, "You can try, but I don't think anything will happen," I just feel so inadequate.

I feel unloved.

I feel like he doesn't enjoy having sex with me.

I feel like he's having sex with someone else.
Snickerdoodling Snickerdoodling 22-25, F 7 Responses Nov 23, 2011

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I totally understand and can relate. I have no meaningful advice, but I truly understand.

Oh, how I envy your situation...

Please understand I am not being sarcastic or dismissive of your experience or feelings. I do hope you understand that you have all the options in the world right now. Having sex once a week might be too low for you. If you truly love your BF, communicate honestly and encouragingly with him and see what happens. The situation and his passion may improve. However, if you feel your needs are not being met and that it is likely to continue this way, just walk away. At your age you have plenty of time and freedom to find someone who makes you happy. You did not take marriage vows with him and you are under no obligation to suffer if he's not satisfying you!

This comes from a married man of 38 who has had sex exactly once in the past 12 months. People's sex drives differ. That difference can become pronounced and horribly mismatched as you get older. Do not lock yourself into a relationship or marriage with someone who does not fit with you sexually. Believe me, it is more frustrating and soul-destroying than you can imagine right now. As a young woman, there will be no shortage of men out there who will more than match your desire for intimacy. Choose wisely. Choose a man who will respect you and treat you well, one that you enjoy out of the bedroom as much as in it. Read around here a bit - the world is full of unsatisfied men just hoping to meet a woman who has a sex drive.

I thoroughly agree and are in the same boat as she is. Ugh it's a living hell and I WISH I had it once a week, I'm on almost two months and am going fng insane.

I am in a sexless relationship - married for twenty years and no sex for the last 18 months. Before that it was "duty sex" about once a fortnight. It is not good if you are still a sexy tactile person and wants more. (me 49y/o male)

We broke up. He probably was cheating on me, he started dating someone new two weeks after our relationship ended. Whatever, I don't want to waste my time in a relationship with someone who doesn't care about me.

I'm going to say that you should probably be happy that it is happening at least once a week... That is how it started for me and my husband... now we haven't had sex since January... The last time we tried he couldn't get it up.<br />
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I am soooo close to cheating on him. He tells me that having sex with me feels like a chore. That he gets bored having sex with the same person over and over again and in reality does not see the importance of sex. He does not want to do anything about because he is not the one who has a problem.<br />
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It kills me really. I use to have sex everyday with my ex and I loved it. <br />
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I'm sorry but maybe you need to consider if once a week is enough or not and if not then let him go. Or, risk falling into my shoes. I can't say for certain that it will happen, but, your bf sounds like my husband.

My boyfriend and I don't always have time for sex everyday but I can still tease him and make him hard in like two seconds. I hate to tell you this but he most likely is having an affair.

if u touched my **** it would be so hard in a second. id have u in bed the second i got home from work and stay there untill u was totally pleasured