Sixteen CandlesOne candle for each year without sex in the last 16 years of a 33 year marriage.
I know that it must be my fault for marrying someone because I was afraid of being alone. I grew to love my husband in the years we've been together. Not "in love" but love like a relative or close friend. We had sex in the beginning. Maybe once or twice a week. We had three children. All grown now.
Husband had health problems. He was in an accident which aggrevated an old back injury on March 1, 1996. I know this because the last time we had sex was February 29, 1996. Leap year. 16 years ago. He continues to have back issues. But, I've heard all sorts of excuses;
I'm tired. I had a bad day. I think God meant for people to have sex only to procreate. I can't get it up because of all the medicine I take.
I might believe the medicine excuse. But, my doctor told me that there was always things to try if it was medicine related. And he won't.
My friends have said, "there's more than one way to have sex". I suggested oral and got a very quick "no". Sex toys? We never had them before. He's just not interested.
He's not gay. He's not having an affair.
He tells me, "Isn't it great that we can be so close even without sex?"
I tell him, yes, because if it's medical he can't help it. But, inside I feel ugly, unappreciated, depressed.
When I tried to leave several months ago, he started crying and begging me to stay. Then, he missed work withoutpay for the xt three days recouping from the ordeal of our "talk" He said he couldn't imagine living without me. And, think of the kids. They would be devastated. Kids are 32, 30 and 24.
Really? They are adults.
We're in debt up to our eyeballs. The IRS owns us. The financial side of leaving would be difficult. But, is that just an excuse? Does the whole thing go back to what got us here? Me being afraid to be alone...
I feel like I'm suffocating.