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Why?!

During the first few years of our relationship my (now) wife and I couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Her sex drive was almost as high as mine is. But literally once we "signed the dotted line" on our marriage certificate after being together for almost three years, her desire disappeared. Not just her sexual desire, but her desire for any kind of intimacy or affection. I've tried talking with her about it multiple times. She'll either say 'I don't know,' or just blow me off (definitely no pun intended.) I've asked if there is something she wants that I'm not doing, but she always says that it always feels good. I begged her to seek counseling and offered to go with her if she liked. She went to three sessions and decided it wasn't doing any good. I suggested trying a different counselor - just like getting a second opinion for other medical issues - but she shot that down with the reasoning that if it wasn't already working how would someone new be any different. Difficult as it was, I've even gone so far as to suggest that she have an affair to see if subconsciously she was desiring a new partner or variety. She poo-pooed that idea almost immediately. Finally out of intense frustration one evening I told her that I felt it was if she was trying to drive me toward having an affair. She said, "I wouldn't blame you if you did." But I know damn good and well that if I did follow through with having an affair, I'd never EVER hear the end of it.
rsb97080 rsb97080 41-45, M 3 Responses Sep 24, 2012

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I am sad for you. Consider asking her what she meant by "I wouldn't blame you if you did?" Does that mean she'd, at least consider, discussing it with you? May I suggest you seek a counselor for yourself. Having a safe and unbiased talk person could help you come to terms with what you need, or can live with, yourself. Hope things are better these days.

Does she have any sexual trams in her past? Also very common.

If she does she has not (or will not) reveal them. Perhaps some of it is from the strict Catholic upbringing where one gets brainwashed when it comes to sex.

Does she have a Std and is shamed from telling you? The cold sore virus affects 1 in 4!

No, she's been checked for medical problems and all is "normal."