Trying To Be Happy In A Sexless Marriage

We been married for 33yrs , I was 18yrs old and he was 25yrs old we had lots of sex when dating and I loved it so much it made me feel loved and needed...years went by and after lots of fertility problems I finally got pregnant after two mths of adopting a 21/2mth old baby so I had two boys 13mths apart. The next 20yrs were busy and alot of bad years sex was always an issue, I even thought he was gay he has a brother and sister that are so the question came up often he always said no. I asked if he was molested as a child he said no .After about 28yrs it came out that he was molested and he also molested his brother he went through counseling after his brother made him go , I also went through counseling things were very hard for a few mths but things were better than ever in sex department.It didn`t last long then the ED started but because he went through so much when his brother outed him out he wont go through counseling again.He said he had completely blocked the molestation of his brother I still have my doubts if that part is true or not cause I heard he had even done it when we were going out ....Now my weight is a problem for him so he wont touch me at all. In all other department of our marriage he is a great husband he takes good care of me as I`m disable from chronic pain so in a way I`m very lucky to have a man but I miss the touching the sex the closeness its all gone. All I think is no other man would want me so I have no choice to put up with a sexless marriage....some days it gets me so sad and angry but it doesn`t seem to bother him at all. I have tried to do everything he wants to do to please him but he still isn`t giving me the closeness I need.I still wonder is he isn`t gay but is scared to act on it. In one of our many many conversations on our sex life talks he did say something as to maybe he is but wants the normal life or a married man....he is very confusing...I`m 52yrs old overweight and disables so is my life over thats how I what am I suppose to do now ...
wantslovelee wantslovelee
56-60, F
4 Responses Nov 2, 2012

if you would like to talk a lil more personal ,

Tell him you want anal, if hes closet gay he will jump on ya.

thanks for your sharing. I felt sad reading and I could empathise with your sad feelings as in a certain way I am experiencing what you are experiencing. My husband do not communicate his blocked sexual issues with me. We have been sexless for the past 5 or 6 years...i have lost count.

I'm sorry if this comes across a bit dry, but I think he is gay. I completely understand the 'wanting to have a normal life' thing and staying in the closet. You're married to a good guy who can't accept himself as a gay man. You're both probably lonely in the same way. But you should understand that, just because he doesn't want to have sex with you doesn't mean you're not worthy. It also doesn't mean you're not attractive. It means you're a woman, and he is sexually attracted to men. That's all. You both live with your best friend, and have for years. You've got companionate love. Ultimately, the question you've got to ask yourself is, can you learn to be content with that? If not, you've got some thinking to do about your options. Just because you're disabled doesn't mean you don't have options!