If We Arent Together Are We Together Enough For It to Be Cheating ??
i live in a sexless relationship when we first met it was great but after 12 years i can say for the last 6 we have had sex about 10 times for the last 2 years only twice the last time we did i was already looking and had found a buddy and had experienced truly mind blowing sex ..so when he was done 10 mins later honestly i felt like calling my buddy so he could do it right ....we are not married we are co parents ...both his exwives left him taking the children so he never saw them after they turned 5 i was determined to stick it out.........but everyday with him is slow suffocation i adore sex and being intimate he lacks any intrest at all ...so what can i do am i a cheater ??? i dont feel that way but i am told what i am doing is wrong i just don't know if i leave he will have nothing to do with our daughter she is almost 8 and loves her daddy but even she has noticed hes an *** ... he constantly complains about my weight i did not gain any till he started talking about a wide load ... and my buddy has no issues with my body he finds every spot and says my talents are in no way lacking so what do i do ??? he is only interested in being buddies but i crave a normal relationship but what is normal.......a blog i wrote
Current mood: intense
Category: Romance and Relationships
the only person holding me at night is me..... in a world over flowing with people im alone ...but in a world with him where its just us its strangely a part of what i crave ..why is it that the ultimate alludes me ?
waking ...naked ... a light touch upon my face ..a kiss upon my shoulder gentle and sweet i smile at him and he turns me to face him ...amazing he whispers...what ?... i say . he replies simply ...You .. racing thoughts i think wow where has he been ..and then i remember .... never here never with me ..until now ..love ? no ...merely an attraction a game we played with each other...for each other ...i've lost ....he looks at me and i just give in ...he speaks and i surrender.... body and soul.
he sets the tone for the song that plays and the rhythm we keep ...his eyes never leave mine and with a touch so light that seems to ask are you ready .....the night unfolds a seamless dance between us....so connected we are each time..... more so than the last
no words of love ..instead words of want and need but in his eyes i see it and i know.... he adores me i hope i convey the same i can't love and i wont i've told him dont expect more from me than i can give you..... to which he replies i wont ask you to give me anything but ...you .....so perfectly we fit ...there
but here in the real world ...complications ... responsibility ...life .... i feel as though the time we have the moments we steal will never be enough for me ...i fight it daily ...he calls... i come ...dressing to leave ... he begs with soft tone and eyes .....stay with me ..to which i whisper... i can't ....leaving a kiss on his lips ...sadness consumes me i don't want to be that girl i want to be the girl ...but i'm just not made that way... stability alludes me ...security ..that wholeness ...the thing all little girls crave ...the white dress, the prince charming, my castle in his kingdom....a fleeting hope as i go through my days ... could he be the one or is he that one ...the one who consumes your mind , your body and your being ...is he the one that makes you say ..... i want more, i need more .........i deserve more
today i simply crave .......him
i need him ... the looks , the touch , the words .... i need ...Life