If We Arent Together Are We Together Enough For It to Be Cheating ??



i live in a sexless relationship when we first met it was great but after 12 years i can say for the last 6 we have had sex about 10 times for the last 2 years only twice the last time we did i was already looking and had found a buddy and had experienced truly mind blowing sex ..so when he was done 10 mins later honestly i felt like calling my buddy so he could do it right ....we are not married we are co parents ...both his exwives left him taking the children so he never saw them after they turned 5 i was determined to stick it out.........but everyday with him is slow suffocation i adore sex and being intimate  he lacks any intrest at all ...so what can i do am i a cheater ??? i dont feel that way but i am told what i am doing is wrong i just don't know if i leave he will have nothing to do with our daughter she is almost 8 and loves her daddy but even she has noticed hes an *** ... he constantly complains about my weight i did not gain any till he started talking about a wide load ... and my buddy has no issues with my body he finds every spot and says my talents are in no way lacking so what do i do ??? he is only interested in being buddies but i crave a normal relationship but what is normal.......a blog i wrote

my lover
Current mood: intense
Category: Romance and Relationships


the only person holding me at night is me..... in a world over flowing with  people  im alone ...but in a world with him where  its just us its strangely a part of what i crave ..why is it  that the ultimate alludes me ?

waking ...naked ... a light touch upon my face ..a kiss upon my shoulder gentle and sweet i smile at him and he turns me to face him ...amazing he whispers...what ?... i say .   he replies simply ...You .. racing thoughts i think wow where has he been ..and then i remember .... never here never with me ..until now ..love ? no ...merely an attraction a game we played with each other...for each other ...i've lost ....he looks at me and i just give in ...he speaks and i surrender.... body and soul.
he sets the tone for the song that plays and the rhythm  we keep ...his eyes never leave mine and with a touch so light that seems to ask are you ready  .....the night unfolds a seamless dance between us....so connected we are each time..... more so than the last
no words of love ..instead words of want and need but in his eyes i see it and i know.... he adores me i hope i convey the same i can't love and i wont i've told him dont expect more from me than i can give you..... to which he replies i wont ask you to give me anything but ...you .....so perfectly we fit ...there
but here in the real world ...complications ... responsibility ...life .... i feel as though the time we have the moments we steal will never be enough for me ...i fight it daily ...he calls... i come  ...dressing to leave ... he begs with soft tone and eyes .....stay with me ..to which i whisper...  i can't ....leaving a kiss on his lips ...sadness consumes me i don't want to be that girl i want to be the girl ...but i'm just not made that way... stability alludes me ...security ..that wholeness ...the thing all little girls crave ...the white dress, the prince charming, my castle in his kingdom....a fleeting hope as i go through my days ... could he be the one or is he that one ...the one who consumes your mind , your body  and your being ...is he the one that makes you say ..... i want more, i need more .........i deserve more
today i simply crave .......him
i need him ... the looks , the touch , the words .... i need ...Life

mdk0707 mdk0707
5 Responses Jan 7, 2009

Being male I cannot even imagine how a man can be so disconnected and not respond to a woman who is willing and wants passion and sex and the loving.<br />
In the marriage I am, I do my share and more, cooking cleaning laundry, in 12 years together I have no missed giving a card as an anniversary for when we moved in together and then for when we married. I adore the wife I have and do not miss a day saying I love her and mean it. All this with little or no response back. I hate the rare occassion when the opportunity for a quick romp, cause I want more I want the touching and kissing and arousal that occurs, love giving oral not important that it;s returned. All of it gone, can't remember the last time I was alloed to see my wife naked. I stay in this wishing and hoping that this whole menopause(if that;s the real reason) will pass, This person is my soul mate without question. I wish there was a married woman nearby who wanted to get together and help see us both through this time and maintain some self esteem. It is so difficult at times I want to run outside and scream and the want of this woman whi is very attractive and more than capable of satisfying me in every way and I want tos much to do the same,It all used to be so perfect and there was so much passion and lust and I remember in the beginning we used to paly and have sex ever day for weeks. I cannot even to begin to express how much I want to be with a woman for a few hours or a fay this way to feel alive again.<br />
Now on top of it all I have undergone 12 chemo treatments and could use the affection more than ever, Keeoing my fingers crossed and hoping for a better day.

I think if you have a open status on the internet, you should just have an OPEN status in your relationship. I have the first part but not the second...or maybe I do but I don't know. I have my reason for staying but I want out.,,,,However at the moment I am just here because It's easiest for me and my job is where I live. Until I am ready I will move on...In the meantime, my partner and I are good room mates...if there was sex, we would be the perfect couple. My love for him is questionable now after no sex for 5 years...Ummm

Maybe a comment from the male side will help, it sounds as if you are not only in a sexless relationship but also loveless one. If your only function is chief cook and bottle washer then you do need to make some changes. As a man who does not need a woman take care of him I can tell you that most men are helpless if they have to do their own chores. That's OK (if) they appreciate the person that is doing these things for them. If they don't...let them find out what they have been missing, (chuckle) and by the way, I'm not gay. just a self sufficient dude who has a woman partner he loves.

damn, totally know where you're coming from. I'm in a similar situation (tho no children, thank God). Easy to tell you to get the hell out of there. He won't change. Tough to take that step. But you know the choice. Submit to that slow suffocation, or get out, and get air, get 'done'. :) Get Happy! (talking to myself in the same way... same content) - Good luck, and NO, you are not 'cheating' - how much nonsense is that? when he is betraying you by withholding himself continually - how painful is that? But ultimately you will have to decide, I think - one way or the other - or get your kicks elsewhere, and keep the 'Dad' fellow as a 'buddy'... I don't know if you can handle that... take some organization :)

well thats what im here for :)