My Sexless Relationship-why Did I Ever Stay?

I was in a relationship, for 3 years with a guy where communication was great, provided that it was not about our non existant sex life. He was not affectionate with me and I feel we never ever made love, just had sex at the start and I can count the number of times that happened, on my one hand! The few times we had sex, it was great.My self esteem suffered and I felt constantly hurt and rejected. He told me that it was not me, but that sex was just not on his mind and that he was happy with the way things were. I struggled with all of this and could not sleep well at night thinking, stressing and feeling bad about the situation. I felt that if he loved me, and wanted me in his life, he would consider my needs and happiness in the relationship, and seek the help that is accessable. I could lie naked next to him and he would not touch me. I would have to ask and place his hand on my breast if I wanted to be touched, and even then he would not want to. he did not even kiss me, apart from greeting kisses, and if I initiated it, I could feel that he was just bored and responded out of just been polite.This hurt me deeply, to my very core.  I was confused and thought that I may be placing too much on the physical aspect, but it was important to me. I also had made excuses to myself, that his low libido was a result of the chronic medication and that maybe our relationship would work out as we were also friends who could spend time just talking-something positive in a relationship. I loved him, and I guess I still do, but I ended the relationship and we are still friends who are there to help each other out at times. I was unhappy in that relationship and my concern is as to why I stayed in it for so long. What was wrong with me? Was it perhaps a lack of love for myself? or that I thought and hoped that things would change by some miracle? Scary!

sexycandy sexycandy
31-35, F
12 Responses Sep 17, 2009

I had become sexless during my sexless marriage. But after I filed for divorce, I became sexual again. When I finally entered a romantic relationship again, I learned that I have a high sex drive and am a creative, desirable lover and am regularly multiply orgasmic. With my lover, I am having the best sex I have ever had in my life -- including with the lovers I had before I got married.

You just described the relationship I am in for two years already . Did you find an answer to your question ?


A really good account of what has happened to me too. Except I am a man and this is all therefore in reverse.

It is worse for me as I am the most tactile person possible, with a high libido, generous and kind lover and absolutely love my woman, my wife, my friend. But she doesn't want my touching, caressing, or anything. She wants nothing but a friend and the occasional hand hold and hug. That's it.

So, I have strayed. Often over the last decade, to find what I need and crave from other women. And for the last two and a half years I have found love too. Fabulously happy now but for how long is anyone's guess.

there is a difference between friend and lover, some people think that a partner is just a friend that lives with you and co mingles their funds. Thats a roommate, I always wanted a full soulmate day I will have that.

I thought I was the only one out in this world in a sexless marriage. It's comforting to know that I am not. I was starting to think something was wrong with me. My friends say I am an attractice woman but I feel otherwise.

My situation is exactly as your with the difference in the end, I dont have anyone to have an excelente relationship.

someone will come into your life when you least expect it!

It's comforting and sad at the same time to know I am not the only one in this world having this same issue. I'm getting to the point where I hate the hello and goodbye peck kisses. I can't remember the last time I had a real, passionate kiss from my man. When I try he acts like he's totally disgusted by the act. Hurts to my core.

Sorry to hear this, It is a terrible feeling. It eats at you. What if you wrote down how you feel and share it with him?

I feel like this was wrote about my relationship. i have tried everything , only thing is im still in it . how do you know when enough is enough when kids are involved

similar here maybe 2x/year if i initiate. if my girls ended up with a marriage like this i would be devastated. so i am wondering if i will keep modeling this behavior...getting closer to leaving...

You have to think about yourself sometimes-realising your needs and having them met, means a happier you and therefore a happier parent-which means happier kids!

Thanks Robncincy. I am currently in a great relationship and having soem great sex :-). I am very thankful for all this!

I see that the first step to be in a more satisfying relationship is to leave
I can't even consider that it pains me to the core as much as the reality that've had become sexless myself the opposite of what I always felt I was

From what I can see you are an extremly desirable woman. I know several ways to make you feel like a woman again!

god, what was wrong with her needsome2?

The last 2 years of my marriage there was no sex. She told me it hurt to much. So I just didn't have sex. I started snored so I started sleeping on the couch so she could sleep. We had a child together so I wanted to do what ever I could to work things out. I had to visit my parents and I heard my wife had a boyfriend moved in with her. So I went back with out telling her. Sure enough I knocked on the door of the house and her boyfriend answered the door. I just walked away. There wasn't a thing I could do.<br />
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I wasn't even gone a week before I got the first story she had a boyfriend. <br />
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One thing she told me why she had a boyfriend.... she said, she hadn't had sex in 2 years.<br />
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If I ever get with another woman and she stops the sex. I'll go 90 days then I'm gone.