WHERE In Canada Do You Want to Live?

WHERE IN CANADA DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Weed
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. A university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your
hash
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest
going on
10. Cannabis

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big Rock
2. It's Effin Rich. dammit.
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approx. 200 percent
4. The Premier is a pothead
5. Flames vs. Oilers
6. Stamps vs. Eskies
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can
think of
8. Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban VLT's
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government
militia groups
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon
husband and get away with it

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat
2. Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning
4. Your province is really easy to draw
5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a
standard
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbor's
house
7. YOUR Roughriders survived
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours
9. People will assume you live on a farm
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have
beachfront property
2. Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg"
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
(hehe! where else would they go?!)
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the
federal government
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on
your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still
"friendly" even when you cut someone off
10. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO (it rocks, that's all
you need to know...we're so cool, we can make fun of
ourselves without caring...read on )
1. You live in the center of the universe
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal
election
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during
Prohibition
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they
mistakenly believe it's a cool city (it's actually a
KICKASS city! )
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
8. MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on
national TV - for a loonie!
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the
side of your house
10. Dalton McGuinty can con the PM into giving you
ridiculous amounts of money you dont deserve, to divert
you from the fact he broke just about all of his election
promises.

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Everybody assumes you're an ******* (and you probably
are)
2. Racism is socially acceptable
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English
neighbor will move out next
5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The FLQ
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French
guys (who happen to be crazily talented)
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts
10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo
bastards"

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. You are sandwiched between French ******** and drunken
Celtic fiddlers
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of
your income
3. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies
4. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to
mention yours
5. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying
Ontario motorists to Boston
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
7. You have French people, but they don't want to kill
you
8. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed
fishermen
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no
television

[B}TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the
war ... by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia
3. Everyone is a fiddle player
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to
kick their ***
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual
pervert
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an
excuse to wear a kilt
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle
music
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax
is considered Canada's most beautiful city

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE ON PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you
still got the big-*** bridge
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour
3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea"
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV
shows
6. Tourists arrive, mostly from Japan, see the "Anne of
Green Gables" house, then promptly leave
7. You can drive across the province in two minutes
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with
anyone else for that matter
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on
and off at night

[B}TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkest province in
Confederation
2. If Quebec Separates, you will float off to sea
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you
can make them kiss a dead cod
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and
fish-related products
5. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse
6. You understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics
7. The work day is about two hours long
8. You are credited with many great inventions, like the
solar-powered flashlight and the screen door for
submarines
9. If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are
allowed to kick their ***
10. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on
your wedding day

Seanachai Seanachai
36-40, F
13 Responses Feb 15, 2009

True story from a lift (elevator) in Monteal:<br />
A bloke from Vancouver FRANTICALLY and DESPERATELY trying to explain that people such as himself from Calgary are so much more laid back than the sleazy **** loving inhabitants of Montreal. Hahahaha!

Wahahahahahah!!! I'm not even Canadian, and I still laughed my head off!<br />
I come from Dorset in the UK - the only county where your sister is probably also your mother.<br />
Roight, oiym off to foiynd a broiyd

Calgary getting the Olympics should it happen won't be for quite some time...spread the wealth idea yanno.<br />
Vancouver was AWESOME for the Olympics---made me want to relive it a la Groundhog Day with Bill Murray

I got most of the humor~ And chuckled, smiled or laughed with you.<br />
This one I'll have to look up:<br />
[B}TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA<br />
1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the<br />
war ... by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire"<br />
<br />
Growing up in modest-minded Minnesota, I had some Canada envy---bigger, wilder lakes and forests, and much much more of them! And cooler cities.<br />
<br />
I've visited most provinces except two Atlantic ones and Saskatchewan. I most need to re-visit Alberta (Lethbridge[?] and that corner can hardly count). I need to spend three weeks camping in the Northern Rockies (the 500 miles North, beginning with Glacier NP), and three weeks on the AlCan highway (and who cares if I ever reach AK-Yukon will do it for me); and Quebec City. <br />
<br />
Why? I think Quebec City complements Santa Fe, New Mexico, as our oldest cities and SHOULD be seen. That, together with the fact that while t icons like goalie Patrick Roi can be shared and loved, and NHL franchises like the Quebec Nordiques - which gave Denver, Colorado, her FIRST sports champions with the Cup, may also - places cannot be shared without visiting them.<br />
<br />
A personal question: will Calgary ever host the winter Olympics again? Western Canada and Salt Lake City ought to host every 18 years, I think. It would be a good informal rule!<br />
<br />
Laugh at themselves? YES. Canadians do. Diplomatically, Canada is to the US as the Netherlands is to the UK - a check on being too outsized or hegemonic. This is stimulating.<br />
<br />
The last Olympiad in Vancouver did see Canada experience some healthy, proud - if rare - nationalism. You won ice hockey gold! And I'm an American who -- ever since Toronto won ba<x>seball's World Series -- can sing 'O Canada,' and root for our Northern neighbors on ice, too.

I guess we do tend to take ourselves abit seriously on this side of the border.

Great list, eh?

I like to laugh at myself :-) I'm special though... LOL!!!

One thing I think Canadians have over Americans is that we can laugh at ourselves, and have a genuine and great time doing so.<br />
<br />
The best people to tell jokes or poke fun at Canadians are ...well...Canadians<br />
<br />
<br />
LOL

As an outsider who knows Canada abit (yes, I actually studied it at university), I thought it very funny. However, Canadians are too hard on themselves. You really have a pretty good country, in relative terms at least. Canadians are pretty decent to outsiders.

grins most of this is still true especially in Alberta

haha<BR>it's all pretty much still true!

Now that is funny :) Saved it to my library ... thanks for posting it. I saved it after I read Saskatchewan. You must know us ;) But when I read on, the real chuckles happened ... haha ... thanks again ... Go Canada! ...

I know the list is very out of date by now but had to post it as there is still some great humor in the lists.<br />
<br />
If there is one thing Canadians have is an awesome sense of humor!