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I Am Sick Of The Way I Live

i am near 40 and have nothing .. no home of my own

no job no income or business

i have no friends

i cant get a bank loan I can't get a credit card either... I really needed my course to pay off with a job and I blame Kelly College and Marina for most of my troubles getting work ... and god only knows what people have said about me as referees ... that has probably stopped me getting good paying jobs
my dad went through the same thing when I was a kid we were so poor from people lying about my father out of jealousy

i am never welcome, I have no friends of my own .. only the odd friend of my sisters will bother to talk to me 

i cant afford medical help

the house needs repairs and we need
we have fleas and leaks in the roof, we had termites and we still have roaches and vermin like rats and mice etc 
there are holes and cracks in the walls... the is leaks from the shower and taps
most of the ceiling lights dont work and the switches are broken so we use lamps like in the bathroom
we have no stove and no oven upstairs 
we can't afford new carpets or painting the ceiling paint is pealing everywhere
there is mess and papers everywhere upstairs and downstairs
their is rubbish and clutter and nothing ever gets done
the fence needs work on it and is falling down
the guttering and the garage need repairs quickly
I have no room to put anything in my bedroom
the shower recess door is broken so I put up a make shift shower curtain for the time being
there is mildew and mould growing in the bathroom, and in the lounge room
the toilet is broken down stairs and the one up stair is barely usable 

 there is 4 people in the house who have either serious health issues or mental illness
its like living in a very run down half way house full of mentally ill people with no hope of a future at all
I didn't think my life would end up like this ...everyone here keeps weird hours
we are all deaf with hearing problems ... its embarrassing to admit
so much its all too late!
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals 36-40, F 5 Responses Mar 8, 2011

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Sounds crazy!
One day you will look back on it and remember it made you a stronger person, things never remain the same.

remeber, you have something important.... love....... and life. it may not feel like it know but you do. hold on

I wonder it is difficult when your in that situation. I tried to get a personal loan to get some cash from one of lenders on the cornor. I got turned down. I dont even try at a bank because they would laugh. I grew up poor, at the time living in the country on farms it is different than so many people today. We didnt think about it as much then but we really lived way below the poverty level. The kind of poor where you grew up never buying anything.

*hugs*