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A Small Part of My Miserable Life !!

In 2004 i was arrested and imprisoned for 5yrs for breaking someone arm in a fight,since i was released in 2007 i have found it impossible to find work, no one wants to employ someone who has a criminal record especially when there is a recession. So i have been living off £50 a week benefits, out of that i have to buy £10 gas, £10 electric, £5 water rates, £5 toiletries and £15 for a two week bus pass, which leaves me with £5 to buy food. I have lost three stones in weight since January.

I also have a daughter from my past relationship, her mother lets me have her stay with me every two weeks for the weekend, how am i going to feed her too, i cannot refuse to see her as it is very important for both of us that we have a relationship, and i already miss her like mad. I have no one at all who could help mme finacially, any how who would just give me money for free, no one on this planet would do such a thing. I have no one who cares.

I have tried to find work but this is costly and i never even get an interview due to recently being released from prison. I cant even do voluntary work.

I have been single for over six years now, since 2007 i have never been able to buy any new clothes, go out, meet people, cinema etc etc, how am i to meet a partner if i cannot afford to even telephone her let alone go out on dates. Anyway my self esteem and confidence is non existent.

On occasions like xmas, birthdays mothers day and fathers day, i feel embarrassed i cannot buy anyone a small gift or a card, it is a time when i feel my lowest and i feel out of touch with society.

My daughter has broken up from school for six weeks, what am i to do with her, i take her to the park all the time as it is free, i have visited every park in london over and over agan, and when my daughter asks fo an ice cream i cannot buy her one, that makes me feel like a useless dad, i dont feel like a man, what is the piont of me living if i cannot even buy her a £1.50 ice cream, what am i to do at xmas and on her birthday, i dread those times.

Fortunately six weeks ago i was offered my own accomodation with the local council, wow, what a result, i have been waiting for over 12 yrs to be offered a flat, unfortunatly i will have to give it up, i have no furniture, no cooker, no freezer, i have nothing, i dont even own a tv due to not being able to afford the tv license, how am i to decorate and get things just to do the normal day to day chores like ironing, cooking, cleaning, i have asked the social for a grant, but they refused to give me a penny, they say i am not a high priority. Therfore the little thing that could have made a difference in my miserable life has to be given up.

I have tried so hard to find work, to provide for my daughter and live a normal life, i am not a bad person, i have a good heart and a lot of common sense, i have had enough living like this, nothing will get any better, (unless i win the lottery) i am an ex convict , that stigmata will stay with me for the rest of my life, how do i get out of it, i cant, the government wont let me, so after a long long think about it, i have no choice but to end my life, i really feel sorry for my 5yr old daughter, what use am i to her, what could i give her in life apart from love, NOTHING... love wont pay the bills , take her on holiday, buy her gifts or secure her future. LOVE is not the most powerful force on earth, it is MONEY....and i dont and wont have any to be part of it, so goodbye every one, i feel so at peace now, so happy, no more suffering, no more sadness, no more lonlyness... I HOPE GOD and my daughter WILL FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE.

THE END

xXLEE182Xx xXLEE182Xx 36-40 5 Responses Jul 22, 2009

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Why u wont leave address so someone could send U something ..dont be embarrassed
Ask and u ll get response
If u would have left ur address Im sure someone would spare a buck and send U
Pls share Ur story on different forums.
Leave your address ...
Also u can earn these icecream money on ebay ...write an ebook ...something like how to seduce any women quickly or how to make money quickly/lol/ or how to get positive quickly etc
attach u tube vids and copy and paste material from internet

I have myself wrote few ebooks where i sell that on ebay / its free to list up to 50 items a month/
Also im a raw foodist and i do not eat cooked food i eat salads ,beans etc ...i dont use gas ..
U could switch to raw and see how it is / u tube/ and unplug gas
Pls stay positive
And with these fights people just dont realise how much trouble they can get to with something so stupid

I hope your daughter understands you.

hey lee182.i pray you are still there. well to start off i dont know you and you dont know me, but i would love to say, i read what you wrote here and its pretty hard to say it but you are not alone, there is someone outhere who cares, you just dont see it. i know someone who has and is still going through what you are going through now. im not sure of your religion but in the eyes of the mighty father himself, you are his child and he sees your struggles, how many people can say what you said, when they are dead, i dont think one. but my point is that you seem to have a good insight on life and you do have a young lady who will be looking up to you and for you when she falls. as a single mother i can say it hurts like hell to know and see when you cant do anything for your child, that child doesnt really know the concept of poor. my son said one day to me mom, its going to be ok, you know why because God loves me and you too. never has Jesus let me down and he wont let you down. people say you where is God. ill tell you he is in you and your daughter, the air everything you can think off. man cant make water, air the sun, moon, stars, dirt, so who did it. that was here way before we were born. And guess what it will be here when we die. my greatest gift i recvd was Jesus Christ and knowing that i have a personal relationship with him. when im down and my minutes on my phone gone and nodody around, i call on Jesus and talk, i really do believe it is possible to breakthrough a tough situation and come out on top. i have so mush to say, but i dont think you want to hear it. remember pray to God and ask for guidance read the holy bible and apply it to your daily life, i bet you your life will change, mind just did. thank you

Don't give up, and I won't either, I was homeless for 7 years my daughter is 9 now I was just alowd back in her life I hae no $ and cant give her much either and I had a son he is 5 months now. I was doing good with my babies dad till he beat are baby, now its me and my baby, I am on welfare, next to nothing but I have a roof, nothin more. I am sorry I can't help yu more I too am very poor all I can say is I dont know you but I have love for you, I will pray for you, please don't give up.

hello world