I have several flashbacks just about everyday where I am basically thrust back into an awkward position from my past where I either acted like a jackass, or psychopath, or just made an *** out of my self, or maybe made a really bad choice.
I observe the situations over and over again and am filled with the same feelings I had at the time, or disgust at myself for feeling this way.
I try to forgive myself for these misdeeds, small or large as they may be, but they literally haunt me and probably will so forever. It gets so bad sometimes that I literally cry out in real time thinds like "No!" or "stop" or just weird moans.
I wish it would go away.