Watching The World Through A Television Set

Maybe I've just come to realize the 'condition' I have now, but from an early age, I've been so content observing the world around me. Whether it's nature, people bickering, or the shades of colors blending naturally with the environment. Later on around middle school, I started feeling disconnected from the world. Expressing interests I shared like supernatural stories or art designs I haven't drawn down couldn't be expressed in mutual words. I would be C's in English for sufficient grammar and word choices, but lack in 'organization' and 'clarity'. Teachers nagged about how my writing was ambiguous and never had a clear structure that "anyone can understand". I'd read my essays over and over again, frustrated of the possibility that my teacher's might have hit their head on a bathroom sink arbitrarily and now lacked the judgement to grade effectively. My writing just makes sense to me, but why didn't it make sense to them? I became pretty introverted after that and more life events. I didn't mind talking to people about what they liked to talk about, and I did participated when they wanted me to, but our perspectives were so different that I felt the need to escape from the public and cower in a quiet area to be 'entertained' by the thoughts in my mind. No, I don't think I'm schizophrenic because I don't see the images in real life and I have my 'stop and go' switch for them. What I've concluded was that maybe I'm just living in my head. The thought still troubles me, and I hope there's some kind of diagnosis for whatever condition I seem to have.
branbran626 branbran626
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 3, 2012

I know you're normal ba<x>sed on how you explained this. The 'condition' you're talking about, in my opinion, is you being yourself and being fully conscience of that fact. To try to relate, I also want to have my own space with an upright piano and a bunch of piano books about different pianists, songs, styles<br />
( I mean seriously with old 1800's tavern music, Bach and Herbie Hancock) and just loss myslef. But, to get back to you, your an individual and are aware of it, not crazy (But you knew that)!

Really? Oh goodness, thanks! That's pretty relieving to know! But about your adoration for your piano and its music, is it more of a hobby to do so or like an obsession? I realized after reading my story over a couple times that I'm probably just introverted. Eh. But is being aware of a condition make me normal? I'm a bit confused about how you got to your conclusion, but I'm probably getting a bit confusing as I'm rambling on.