Watching The World Through A Television Set
Maybe I've just come to realize the 'condition' I have now, but from an early age, I've been so content observing the world around me. Whether it's nature, people bickering, or the shades of colors blending naturally with the environment. Later on around middle school, I started feeling disconnected from the world. Expressing interests I shared like supernatural stories or art designs I haven't drawn down couldn't be expressed in mutual words. I would be C's in English for sufficient grammar and word choices, but lack in 'organization' and 'clarity'. Teachers nagged about how my writing was ambiguous and never had a clear structure that "anyone can understand". I'd read my essays over and over again, frustrated of the possibility that my teacher's might have hit their head on a bathroom sink arbitrarily and now lacked the judgement to grade effectively. My writing just makes sense to me, but why didn't it make sense to them? I became pretty introverted after that and more life events. I didn't mind talking to people about what they liked to talk about, and I did participated when they wanted me to, but our perspectives were so different that I felt the need to escape from the public and cower in a quiet area to be 'entertained' by the thoughts in my mind. No, I don't think I'm schizophrenic because I don't see the images in real life and I have my 'stop and go' switch for them. What I've concluded was that maybe I'm just living in my head. The thought still troubles me, and I hope there's some kind of diagnosis for whatever condition I seem to have.