My Little Life

Well I'm 18, 19 next month and I have been with my boyfriend since I was 15. Ofcorse when we met he treated me like a princess and I was head over heels in love. One year and too many black eyes later my parents said if I had no respect for myself then neither did they and I ended up moving in with him.

I used to be so much more outgoing and happy but now I feel like I'm living my whole life revolved around his moods. He's 26 and like to smoke pot, drink and gamble. That's his whole life right there and I actually let this man control my life. Sometimes I get so mad that I've wasted so many years and he just makes me feel horrible about myself but then sometimes I get so sad because he's meant to love me and care for me but it didn't seem to work out that way.

Sometimes I dream about getting away and having a better life but when someone else is in control of your life it's hard to remember how to talk to people normally, let alone make friends or be in a normal relationship, it feels so isolating and lonely living like this and you lose all your confidence and self esteem, I don't have a friend in the world to talk to anymore, he made sure of that...but in the meantime i've got ep to vent on so thank God for small blessings right :P

well thanks for listening if anyone did :)

sarajean sarajean
18-21, F
10 Responses Jul 19, 2009

Hi Sarajean,

I'll start by saying I've never been in your position. BUT my sense is that right now you need support and guidance. Here's my attempt at support and guidance.

It sounds like whether or not you let him control you or you gave him your power is less an issue than being able to find the resources, support, and guidance to change this situation. My impression is that you are feeling, and/or are actually are isolated.

I agree that filing criminal charges may or may not be appropriate. From what I understand, well-intentioned, but ignorant law-enforcement officials might not take issues of domestic abuse as seriously as they could.

Is it possible for you to make a private phone call; even if it has to be somewhere where other people may be around? I ask because it sounds like your years of isolation, abuse, and perhaps holding on to the hope that things could be better again if only...(fill in the blank) may have left you insecure and perhaps scared of what could happen if you try to leave.

If you can make a private call, please consider contacting a local support organization for woman who have been, or are in abusive relationships. thehotline.org, which is the website for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is one such option. I have no affiliation with any organization and offer them only as an example to let you know there are others out there who understand and will do anything they can to help. One word of caution, consider either researching them from a public computer, such as one at a public library because clearing the cache or history on your computer may not be enough and my interpretation of your message is that you want to avoid his rage.

As I wrote above, I haven't been in your situation, but you are not alone, no matter how much you have been made to feel so. I hope that you will concentrate on finding a safe and permanent way to leave your current situation and that you will remember that no one asks or deserves to be diminished and abused, verbally, mentally, emotionally, or physically. I hope also that with the help and support of others you will begin the process of healing and moving forward with your life in a positive way, so that you can develop the insight and tools to recognize and avoid such a situation in the future.

One of my favorite quotes (not mine) is that "We do what we know until we learn different." My best wishes are with you as I, hope, you begin to learn different.

you LET him control your life - either accept it & quit whinging about it, or don't let him do it anymore & get the **** away from that psycho. <br />
<br />
you've chosen this. & you're still choosing this.

im always shocked whhen i learn about someone being abused. He's obviously very controlling and has isolated you, but im GLAD that you can speak up here, because everyone needs someone to understand. girlfriend! i pray for you to stay safe and unharmed. <br />
peace&LOVE

Sarajean<br />
If you truely want out of this horrible non-relationship then call for help. Try your parents again. If that doesn't work keep looking for help. Sometimes its there and you just don't see it. NO-ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are too young to live this kind of life. Run do not walk to the nearest police station and they will help you to find the proper resources at your disposal. There is no shame in asking for help. Life is way to short. You deserve better. run run run run run run run run run

sarajean, wake up girl! ur life doesnt revolve around the loser you're with. stand up and fight back. oh how i wish i were in ur shoes. i'd give him a thing or two to think about. r u going to sit back and let him take control and abuse u? how do u think ur life will pan out 5 years from now? dont u want to be independent, secure and in control of your life? the choice is yours....stand up and take control or sit back and be controlled. think about it. u only live once...and im sure how ur life is playing out right now, is not what u envisioned it to be while u were growing up. all the best.

I was there in your shoes . many years go and i got out .<br />
it took Courage to get out and walk way from the one I thought i loved.<br />
i am better off.<br />
it can be done.<br />
get plan and stick by it and go .<br />
and it can be done.<br />
it happen to me so many time but i got out and i am better off for it.<br />
good luck and i am here and that is good share with us what is happen it is all way good to get it out.<br />
<br />
good luck<br />
lashanda

You want out? You want to become independent and get away from him for good and not be abused anymore by him? Then enlist into the military. You will change your life! I'm not talking about going to war I'm talking about security, education, freedom, and making your own personal choices and you won't have to contact him OR your parents. When my daughter was abused I didn't say get out. I fought for her!! I don't understand why your parents turned their backs on you. My child was no angel but I am still her parent and nobody hurts her and gets away with it. Take my advice. Keep your plans to leave to yourself and when the process is complete then you go and if he tries to stop you then you need to call the police.<br />
This could be your only chance so don't mess it up. You obviously don't want to live the rest of your life like you are. He could end up killing you if the abuse continues to get worse. HE is out of control and you're allowing him to keep YOU as his victim.

You can drop me a note any time you want to talk. I too have felt those feelings of isolation and how things others do to rob your self-esteem and self-confidence. It will get better if you want it to.

Thanks so much for the advice :)

You have friends here. Feel free to write and find out who you are and where you want to go. I, and I'm sure others will help you. Just ask and believe in yourself.