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I Used To .....

My (soon to be) ex-wife started collecting used books to sell about eight years ago. Until then I would say our house was cluttered, but not unmanagable. I could get the car into the garage, we could have guests over, and I could walk around the house in the dark without seriously hurting myself.

Then things changed. The few boxes became a mountain of boxes, and once my ex discovered Ebay, well that was the end of it. Now the house is basically piles and piles of junk. She cannot get around to cleaning it up, and yet complains that no one ever cleans. I finally left a year ago, partly because the house was now unlivable, and partly because the house was a symbol for the relationship. What she was doing to the house (neglected clutter) was exactly what was happening in our relationship. My daughter had already left for college, my oldest son moved in with me, and my youngest son splits his time between her house and my cabin.

I got out. I was not unlike living with an alcoholic. I could not have people over, I could not move things without incurring her wrath (I once put 50 boxes of books in a storage shed. You could not tell the difference, and she was pissed for days.) I felt trapped, as if I were chained to the house.

About a year after I moved out, I started a relationship with someone who came from a similar background. Her husband kept the house in unlivable condition. Now, when she says that her house is a mess, we both smile. "A mess" means one meal of dished not yet washed, or an unmade bed, or a few things lying around the living room.

I am soooo glad I got out. My only regret is what it did to the kids.
AlaskanStranger AlaskanStranger 51-55, M 4 Responses Nov 16, 2010

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And thanks for the affirmation!

My oldest son said the best day of his life was when I moved him out and in with me. Both my sons tell me they were in favor of me leaving. My daughter...different story.

Oh and the kids. You saved then by moving out. You demonstrated to them by moving out them that a person takes reponsability for the life that they are in. It is not possible to fix every problem or person that we share a life with.<br />
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Neuilly

I know some one very similar to your wife, only this individual (my brother's mother-in-law) is 100 times worse. The situation got so bad, that after the barn was full, she started filling the house, After that, they had to move out, because there was no room to live. She is now in the process of filling their current place. Mind you the barn and house are still full, it isn't as if they cleaned it up or bulldosed the stuff away. <br />
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it has to be some sort of menatal problem. of course the reason behind the problem doesnt; make the living in a dump like that any more bearable. Doesn't matter, of course to the person sharing the home, the life. it is a sad and overwhelmong situation.<br />
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Be grateful, that you were not only wise enough to get out but had the courage to deal with the situation and have a chance for a normal life.<br />
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I wish you and your new partner much love and happiness.<br />
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Neuilly