I Used To .....My (soon to be) ex-wife started collecting used books to sell about eight years ago. Until then I would say our house was cluttered, but not unmanagable. I could get the car into the garage, we could have guests over, and I could walk around the house in the dark without seriously hurting myself.
Then things changed. The few boxes became a mountain of boxes, and once my ex discovered Ebay, well that was the end of it. Now the house is basically piles and piles of junk. She cannot get around to cleaning it up, and yet complains that no one ever cleans. I finally left a year ago, partly because the house was now unlivable, and partly because the house was a symbol for the relationship. What she was doing to the house (neglected clutter) was exactly what was happening in our relationship. My daughter had already left for college, my oldest son moved in with me, and my youngest son splits his time between her house and my cabin.
I got out. I was not unlike living with an alcoholic. I could not have people over, I could not move things without incurring her wrath (I once put 50 boxes of books in a storage shed. You could not tell the difference, and she was pissed for days.) I felt trapped, as if I were chained to the house.
About a year after I moved out, I started a relationship with someone who came from a similar background. Her husband kept the house in unlivable condition. Now, when she says that her house is a mess, we both smile. "A mess" means one meal of dished not yet washed, or an unmade bed, or a few things lying around the living room.
I am soooo glad I got out. My only regret is what it did to the kids.
AlaskanStranger 51-55, M 4 Responses 1 Nov 16, 2010