Wits End

My boyfriend of 6 years is a hoarder. The last 3 years has become a problem. I can't even go into our bedroom as it makes me have anxiety. My driveway looks like a car lot and the basement, I can't even talk about. The other rooms I MAKE sure they stay tidy. But I am in a no win situation. I can't figure out why he would need 20 different kinds of flashlights? I can't walk around the bed, it is flowing up to and over the bed, the floor maybe has a square foot of carpet I can see. I should note his parents house is sort of the same. Can't get in the garage, or back porch and bedroom is a disaster. Like me I think his mom, keeps the other rooms in order. I have read that it is sometimes inherited. Unfortunately my 13 year old son is showing some signs and I do not know what to do. My BF sometimes tells me it's my fault because I didn't let him buy a bookshelf, ( he has 3 in the Bedroom ) that you can't even see. I can't see why I wash & fold his clothes to have them thrown on the dirty floor. He is personally clean. Not a problem there. I am sad that he doesn't care enough to want to sleep in a bed with me at night. ( I sleep on the couch) We have 7 cars that don't run, but he always says I'm gonna fix them. and heres the kicker, He is a SUPER handy guy. He can fix the cars. I just don't know what to do anymore and feel as if I am mad all the time.
frustrated1968 frustrated1968
41-45, F
5 Responses Oct 10, 2012

I can totally empathize with that feeling of being angry all the time.

I can relate to the flashlights. We must have 150 of them. Some are pretty cool! He is my roommate and his son is a cop. He gave him a flashlight that is so incredible. It has a strobe that can slow down or even stop someone from advancing on him because it's an eye piercing strobe.

All the coolness aside, I know he loves flashlights, but why so many? If one makes you feel cool, ten dozen is going to make you ten dozen times cooler. I guess.

I'm sorry you are so frustrated with it all. I understand. It's a life challenge. I feel smothered by all the stuff too. I'm moving soon, and I am going to keep my place as neat and uncluttered as humanly possible!

I feel for you. I have a husband who can not part with stuff even after it is falling apart. It's as if he still sees his things as the way they looked 20 and 30 years ago. We have things that are in their original plastic bag and the plastic is brittle and I don't want to touch any of it. When we moved some of his junk into our new place I thought I would say that's it - I can't do this anymore, but I haven't been able to yet because I think he needs help and wont admit it. We have moved a non-working jetski that he acquired over 20 years ago because he says he will fix it up. But its an antique and nobody would ever even want to ride on it. We designed our Land Surveying office with an over sized garage and bays you can drive into from one driveway and exit onto another. (Our office is between two roads) The garage itself is 1000 square feet and we have never been able to use it for that purpose - right now we have a small walkway from one garage door to the inside door. My problem is he picks up stuff from garage sales, free-cycle and we have no need or room for it. My kids are almost adults and when they leave, I am not sure I'll be able to live like this anymore. We have an air compressor and my borhter's table saw right next to his side of the bed - he says he is going to buy my brother's saw, but he's said that for 2 years now. I don't know how much more I can live with this. We had a garage sale and I thought this would be my last attempt to be rid of some of this stuff but in the end, we ended up taking stuff out to the driveway and bringing it back in because he wanted just $1 more or $5 more - the truth is he can't let go of any of it. I'm at my wits end. It's becoming unsanitary.

yep i can relate... the parking lot front yard........... the damn truck is over 30 years old and the camper trailer is just about the same ... we have to park our two running cars out on the street,
the garage has a broken down truck with parts missing, along side that, is a old speed boat, and broken motor bike, old refridgerator, 2 old bikes from the 70s .

he doesnt go out and buy new stuff , he just keeps things he bought over the years/decades... so when i moved in (little did i know he was a hoarder, we lived in diff cities)

O-M-F-G he has hung onto all most every reciete he has ever had, boxes left over from stuff he bought even decades ago... his daughters room has girl power posters still up and her clothes she wore as a small child in the closet she is 30 years old for god sakes..... old couch from the 70s stained beyound repair and nasty... cant even sit on it or u will fall to the floor.... but will he get rid of it ? noooooooooooooooo
every raido and computer he has had for the last 20 years he had stacked up against the living room wall ...

when i moved in i got rid of a lot of stuff, took me about 4 months to convince him to throw some of the stuff out..... but behind his back i threw away a lot more crap that was laying around gathering dust, (for god sakes i saw it all as a health hazard)

a year later im stll throwing stuff out . out dated ckothes his kids left behind, out dated eletronics, paper items that is no longer needed....... even his yard is un kept, i have made that my pet project to keep trimed...

im looking forward to leaving him and his world of junk!

Why don't you leave? It sounds terrible


My Guy is also.... hmm..