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I Live With a Hoarder

So Why Am I Going For Divorce

By: londonwestman1
Written on November 27th, 2012
Age: 51-55 , Male
471 people have read this story

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23 responses
  • guavachick

    I can only imagine it must be hellish for all three of you. I wonder why she doesn't seek professional help; it could drastically improve all of your lives. It's unfortunate for you and your son that the ball (on therapy) is entirely in her court, and you have to live with its effects until she decides to change. Hugs and hope it improves soon.

    Apr 27
    1 like
  • gypsyblu

    I live with a different type of hoarder... he doesn't let go of anything, be it old cars,old clothes, old recites...> (phone, utilities, grocery, credit card ) papers left over from school, work, from decades a go, that are meaningless.

    even his daughters room ( who is 31- has moved away 10 years ago) still has posters up from her grade school days, and her clothes from when she ws 7 or 8 stll hang in the closet, even one of her art creations from kindergarten,with stick people still adorns her bedroom wall,and right beside it is girl power posters, its crazy! the furniture is nasty and filthy from use (the furniture Is over 30 years old for god sakes)

    but will he let me get rid of it noooooooooooo so behind his back I have been one by one throwing that crap away ! but its hard to rid of the couch and big chair that no one can sit on, because ur *** ends up sinking to the floor when u sit on it.

    Apr 26
    2 likes
    • londonwestman1

      Well it doesn't sound that different. My son's wardrobe is full of clothes and the like from when he was tiny (now 13). We also can't reach his wardrobe for heaps of toys and bags of things my wife has bought because they were in a sale or some such.

      You have my sympathy. I think I can say I understand how tough a problem this is to crack!

      Apr 26
      1 like
    • gypsyblu

      yes i never knew it could lead to such a problem, i just got intot his 3 years ago and as soon as i can stash some money, im going to get the hell out of dodge

      Apr 26
      1 like
    • gypsyblu

      when i moved in you would not believe the dust that had turned into dirt from being left to sit for years

      Apr 26
      1 like
    • gypsyblu

      even the house is need dire repair, if an authority came in they would shut the house down, and make him move out of i.t

      Apr 26
      1 like
    1 More Reply
  • Jfonz56

    I recently left my husband for the exact same situation. Now my biggest issue is that my 5 year old daughter has to visit and stay over night in his home which has gotten much worse since I left. How are you handling the visitation aspects with the divorce and your son visiting her?

    Apr 19
    2 likes
    • londonwestman1

      I have been bogged down in the horrors of the process for a couple of months now, but about to take the bull by the horns and restart.

      My hope is that she might move to the house which she owns about fifteen miles away. If she does, then the stuff will mostly be left and I can get rid of it. I realise now that she survived up until meeting me by moving house every few years and never getting around to taking the stuff with her.

      But obviously that depends on getting her to shift. Not easy...

      Apr 19
      1 like
  • RickiSchnucki

    I can't imagine how you must feel. It seems like a living nightmare. I saw some documentaries about messies and that there is not really a cure for that behaviour. The opposite is a cleanie, not easy to handle either. My sis in law is one and I don't dare to sit down on her sofa because I don't want to crumple her cushions.

    Dec 14, 2012
    1 like
    • londonwestman1

      Thanks for your support. And yes I have heard of these cleanies. That must be pretty hard to cope with too. The workings of the mind are so mysterious.

      Dec 14, 2012
      1 like
  • MrsHoover

    I really felt for both yourself and your son reading this. A truly sad situation, so sorry for you.

    Dec 7, 2012
    1 like
    • londonwestman1

      Have to try and feel sorry for her too. Her shouting and cluttering are awful, and her refusal to accept any treatment or even that she really has a condition are unbelievably frustrating - but all these, particularly the denial, are part of the condition itself. I don't think she is fundamentally a bad person. But I also don't think it makes any sense for my son and me to live with her - that just makes her problems into our problems.

      Dec 14, 2012
      1 like
  • womaninbliss

    So sorry to hear of your situation londonwestman. It must be so difficult. Both you and your son deserve more of a life than can be had in what sounds like a dreadfully claustrophic house. I wish you all good luck in finding a solution.

    Dec 4, 2012
    2 likes
  • Cuddlytoy

    That is such a sad story. It really is a psychological condition to be a hoarder. I have a friend who hoards. I hope life improves for you.

    Dec 4, 2012
    2 likes
    • londonwestman1

      If only there were proper treatment and a proper legal process to go with it being a real psychological condition.

      Dec 4, 2012
      1 like
    • Cuddlytoy

      I must admit, I would find it very hard to cope in your circumstance. I wish you the very best. x

      Dec 4, 2012
      1 like
    • londonwestman1

      Thanks. I'm hoping for the best...

      Dec 4, 2012
      1 like
  • Zoranna

    Oh Goodness! I am feeling so much for you at the moment! I hope you and your son are really okay. Sending hugs to you!

    Nov 30, 2012
    2 likes
  • wetpet

    You have my support and friendship. Xox

    Nov 29, 2012
    2 likes
  • faefaye

    I'm so sorry. I know this has to be so difficult for you. It is true that she won't change until she is ready and if she is not showing that she is ready for change than as a parent, your son is your first responsibility. You also deserve a chance at life. Hoarding can be so devastating to every relationship the hoarder has in their lives, romantic or otherwise. My heart reaches out to you.

    Nov 29, 2012
    2 likes
  • LadyMagma

    You are doing the best thing for your son and yourself. By staying in the relationship, you are being neither supportive nor loyal, but a condoner and enabler of the condition. For a long time, she's had a choice - her family or her "things". Her choice is clear... time to go! Time to find freedom to be yourself, live as you want, raise your son in a healthy environment and reclaim what you've lost to hoarding over the years. I wish you love, I wish you happiness and I wish you joy! Much love...

    Nov 28, 2012
    2 likes
  • cameronr

    Good choice... That's a show of spirit! Its your life too, and don't you forget to stand up for it... :-)

    Nov 27, 2012
    2 likes
  • BKelley

    all of this is very sad

    Nov 27, 2012
    2 likes