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Living In A Landfill

Twenty years ago I thought I had found my soul-mate. We had such a fun life and so much fun together. When I met him, he had lots of boy toys which I found fun. Now I can't believe all the things he has accumulated over the years.

When I first moved in with him, his house was kind of full and the basement was absolutely full of stuff. He assured me that it was because his ex-wife had left it all down there. I cleaned it out and had to put my stuff down there because the house was too full of his furniture and stuff which left no room for mine. I eventually had gotten rid of most of my belongings because he started bringing in more and more stuff. He seems to like t shirts and papers and magazines the most. The closets became so full that nothing else will fit in them. Then he started just piling clothing and coats everywhere.There are now endless piles of papers and magazines. Any time I attempt to organize anything or throw anything away, he gets very upset and tells me to leave his things alone that there are important things that I might inadvertently throw out. It is ridiculous and I don't know what to do.

We have a dog that stays home with him during the day and he wont let the dog out. Poor dog is housebroken but can't get out. I come home to find dog pee and poo along with whatever dirty dishes he has hoarded in various places in the house. I am worn out just trying to keep the kitchen and bathroom clean and clean up after the dog. There are only two chairs that can be reached to sit in and it is a daily struggle to keep things off of the bed.

When the tables all got so piled up that he couldn't sit anything more on top of them, he got a bunch of television trays and piled them up. I can't vacuum anymore because of the piles of debris everywhere. None of this seems to bother him at all.I haven't been able to have a friend or family member in my home for fifteen years now.

I am 56 years old and have gone back to college to try to get a degree and a better job. I am managing to maintain a 3.75 gpa doing my homework on campus when I can because there is no place to really do homework at home. I have had to take early retirement because of my health and only make a few hundred dollars a month. I don not make enough to live on by any means.

This man says he loves me and will buy me nearly anything I need in the way of necessities. I would not marry him due to his messy ways but I have stayed entirely too long and now have no way out for at least a couple of years. I am worn out and at my wits end. I am so depressed that whenever I leave the house, I cry when I have to return.

I would like to say that I am glad I am not alone but I can't. I am sorry for all you others that have found yourselves in this same situation. It is a living hell. I feel like I live in a landfill. This is a terrible way to live and yet the guilt of leaving someone and knowing that they are going to be worse off when you leave and will probably die in the middle of the horrible mess they have made is just too terrible to think about.

I will eventually get out of here but it is going to be a long hard road. I just pray the place doesn't catch fire before I can get out.
MentalRemix MentalRemix 56-60, F 7 Responses Jan 2, 2013

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Update: Trash day came and went. My hoarder did not put out the trash like he promised. He did, on his own, pick out two coats and give them away. Today is trash day again and I had to go to campus. When I came home, the trash had not been taken out again. I will have to stay home from school next Wednesday and put out the three weeks of trash. I don't see getting rid of any extra. The trash people might not even take more than the normal three weeks of trash in the one pickup. Seems like we get one step forward and three steps back.

Update: Since trash day, my hoarder has become increasingly despondent. He has refused to even get out of bed today. I was accused of throwing away his socks yesterday. Trash day is coming up again and I am afraid to even bring up the subject. I think I will just take out the normal trash (which i put in an outside shed as soon as I bag it) and say nothing more about the hoarding this week.

Update: Today was trash day. My hoarder actually took the trash out himself. We together bagged up six bags of trash. Just a drop in the ocean, but for him to participate in getting rid of anything and even take it to the curb himself without digging through it, is progress. He also did not bring in any new magazines (that I know of) in the last few days. I have at least some glimmer of hope at the moment.

Update:
I had a long heartfelt talk with my hoarder. I told him how this was affecting our quality of life and that I cannot take this any longer. I told him I would rather be living under the bridge with the homeless. He has agreed to start getting rid of some stuff. He agreed that the papers are dangerous and that he really does not need to have it all. I am going to buy him a copier that I saw advertized where if he finds an article, receipt, etc. that he wants to keep that he can run it through the scanner and it will keep an electronic copy for him. I am hoping this will divert his OCD tendencies to keep stuff into a way for him to have his information without the clutter. He has also agreed to call the trash company and get rates and dates on extra pickups. I will keep you updated.

Sweetheart your not alone! I pray the house will catch fire. I've been married for 33 years to a woman who has decided to deal with "Empty Nest Syndrom" by filling the house with Thrift store junk.
I am a self employed cabinet maker and remodeling contractor. My wife could have a dream home if she wanted. She only wants a house full of junk. Give her a custom made table. she will pile it with junk. She buys junk bookcases, cabinets, ect... and asks me to fix them for her. I do!.. then they just end up dumped in a spare bedroom and never used.
I have built myself an office addition on the back of my shop. It has all the creature comforts of a home. Pictures of my grandkids on the walls. very nicely decorated. Flat screen TV surround sound system and 3 computers. It's only missing a bed.
My wife doesn't think I love her anymore because I live in my office and not in the clutter with her.
I buy her new cars all the time. She has her own Harley, she's never been denided anything! Why does she have to fill her life with junk when she could have the best of everything?
My heart goe's out to you!

There is no way he would go for help on a television show. I have cleaned this house top to bottom on two different occasions when he was in the hospital. I took off work and worked non-stop day and night to get this place cleared out.It only made things worse. And yes, he actually does miss even the smallest of things. I do sometimes slip things out from the bottom of the piles but it really doesn't help that much.Kind of like the boy with his finger in the hole in the dike.

iv done that, throw stuff out, when he goes to bed I have a hay day throwing crap out. I have to put it in the bottom of the trash can then throw the regular trash on top, to hide it... the stuff my hoarder has kept is a health safety matter..... dust and bugs clinging to the crap, most of the stuff is so old it smells, he doesn't notice the odor at all ... if he asks where something is, I say, oh I just reorganized it, he isn't one to get off his lazy *** to investigate.

I am so sorry that you have to live like this. I watch the show Hoarders sometimes in disbelief of the amount of money people waste on their addictions. At least those people do tend to get mental counseling on that show. Maybe you could do that, and although it would be embarrassing, he could get help and you could possibly get the house cleaned out. It sounds like he is afraid of losing some piece of himself and needs to have that stuff to complete what is missing. Just think of how many homeless people would love to have those t-shirts or how many trees could be saved by recycling those magazines. I wonder if he would notice if you slowly started taking a few shirts or magazines each day in with your stuff for school? I don't know the answer but to feel trapped in a landfill must be one of the worst things I can imagine. My heart goes out to you. I hope you are able to find help for yourself and for him.