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Should I Give Up Trying To Live In My Home

I really need to hear from some other people who live with a hoarder. My husband hoards hot wheel cars, action figures,lava lamps, stickers, magazines, misc. toys, and bits of paper (notebooks) basically everything. I married him 5 years ago and he lived in a small one room apartment filled with stuff. He had a couch that he buried and there was a small narrow path from the bed to the bathroom and into a spot in his kitchen. I thought he was crowded because he had such a small space. I did not know he also had boxes and boxes of things stored in a garage elsewhere. I guess I was so in love with him that I thought once we got married and he moved into my house, a cute 1200 square foot home, that he would like it and together we would decorate and make it ours. When his garage stuff showed up there were 300 pairs of shoes just to give you an idea of what I was suddenly facing. Still I tried to make due and got rid of most of my unnecessary clothing and anything else I could ditch. I some how managed to fit everything in, but my cute little house became extremely cluttered and I hated it. I hated it so much that I moved 4 hours away for a job that came with a place to live. I was so happy in my uncluttered home, but the job ended and when I got back to my house..you could not walk from room to room with out climbing or stepping over stuff. I worked for 16 hours a day for 3 weeks to be able to live in my home again. Now it is a struggle every day to maintain some type of order to the chaos. I bought a beautiful dining room table only to come home one day from work and find him using it as a workshop to paint hot wheel cars on..it is now ruined with paint and scratches all over it, I never even got to eat on it once. He told me I valued things more than him and that it was just a table. He has not worked in three years and I have to leave each day for work knowing when I get home there will be stuff out, that I spend hours putting away. I do not go into the kitchen unless I have too because it makes me feel sick to see power tools all over the stove and counters. The floor is ruined too. I loved my sweet little house but now I hate to come home. I loved him too but I don't think I do anymore. He doesn't work and shares none of the bills. If I ask him to do something around the house, he acts defensive and says he needs to "create" which means paint hot wheel cars. He says it is his business but he has never made a penny at it. He says if I loved him I would understand. Well I guess I don't love him because I don't understand. I want my home back and I want to be able to have friends over. I want to be proud of the house I work so hard to pay for. Some parts of the outside need to be painted, he has never offered to take care of it and says...it doesn't matter anyway because paint doesn't last.
I guess I don't want to feel alone in the world. I mostly just hide in the attic. Recently I started sleeping on the floor (in the attic) because I cannot stand to be in the bedroom. I am a very pretty woman with an ok job. I attend school full time and most people like me. Why am I allowing this to continue? Someone please tell me how to end this relationship. Since he doesn't work, he would have no where to go if I asked him to leave and I don't make enough money to pay for two houses. What can I do.
AnnaLeonette AnnaLeonette 46-50 3 Responses Feb 4, 2013

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Stop enabling. And you know what? I am in a somewhat similar situation. I would be very interested to know if things are continuing or if you have taken action since you wrote this. You have a hoarder taking advantage of your work ethic, patience and understanding. It's now 7 months since your post...where are you now?

I feel so bad for you. IF you don't love him and your relationship is over tell him to leave, does he have family? Good luck

what i did with my hoarder, is i threw stuff away.. with out him knowing it, he has kept stuff that is over 30 year sold, old furniture, old papers that mean nothing anymore. need i say there are many other items he has stored,



now if i could get rid of the old vehicles he has in the garage and drive way......

they say hoarders will continue to bring crap home, but since he lost his job 4 years ago he cant afford to buy anything.