There's Just Too Much **stuff**!

We moved in with my boyfriend almost 3 years ago, with only our treasures (22 boxes for 5 of us). He cleared a room out for all our stuff. In that time, I have found 3 boxes of old girlfriends personal stuff; receipts for cars that haven't run in 8 years; 38 boxes of his Dad's books; 17 boxes of albums; 4, yes, 4 complete drum kits; his 'lost' birth certificate...


I have half of a king size bed to sleep on. The rest of the bedroom is covered in clothes, movies, books, papers, dust .... stuff. The stuff is everywhere. I clear out spaces as I can, and it leads to some pretty unpleasant discussions. He thinks I'm trying to change his life, and I think he's not making room for me in his life!

I'm going at it slowly, because I understand hoarding. My dad is a hoarder, complete with aisles of old newspapers. Right now, I'm going at it like islands of penicillin! Eventually, they'll connect, and the STUFF will be gone!

Sylvie66 Sylvie66
41-45, F
4 Responses Mar 6, 2010

so much stuff....

Living with a hoarder can be a right pain in the neck, especially if you can't stand to be surrounded on all sides by junk. Sometimes, hoarding is the result of growing up with no money - the idea that you really have to be thankful for what you've got and to not just throw it away. Baby boomers are most likely to feel this way since they are most likely to have no had much.<br />
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Was your boyfriend's family poor when he grew up? It's very hard to understand a hoarder, though. My mother grew up in the fifties and her family had no money, and I think this has caused her to be a cheapskate-hoarder (bad combo). Keep in mind that when you throw stuff out, a hoarder will get even more stuff to fill in the clean spot. This is why they go nuts when someone decides to "help" them and completely empty out their home - they have a nervous breakdown and immediately fill up their home with stuff. So, if you need to do away with stuff, do it a tiny bit at a time; remove negligible amounts of stuff so he won't notice...but odds are, he will notice over time and begin filling in the space.<br />
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And if anything, he is not making room for YOU in HIS life. I mean that almost more literally than anything, too. I think if he really cares about you, he'd at least go to a couple therapy sessions to help him start to get over his hoarding. It is sometimes possible to lessen the hoarding craving and sometimes hoarders can even slowly toss out stuff they have acculumated. See what he would think about talking to a therapist.

More power to you!<br />
I would go soooo nuts.

Oh my what a nightmare that must be, your strength of understanding is admiral, well they say Love conquers all i wish you every success in your endeavours for just abit more space! ...... :)