Trying To Find A Balance...

My husband and I met 6 years ago, married 2 years ago. We both like the outdoors, planned on going on hikes, hunting together (he was teaching me), and doing lots of other outdoor activities - nothing extreme, just active. His back pain started about 3 years ago, mild, has now become what he has to accept as chronic pain due to onset of scoliosis, bulging disk, degenerative disk disease. A surgeon said he can make the back look straight with an 8 hour procedure, but it may not take away the pain, and he does not recommend it at this point. A nerve stimulator is the next step at the pain center.

What I am beginning to try to balance is my wanting to enjoy the outdoor activities without feeling guilty about doing them while my husband cannot enjoy them right now. Even trying to plan to go to the gym (which I am inconsistent with but keep trying to get back to it) I feel guilty that I am going off to be active without him, as if I am leaving him behind. He feels guilty that he cannot do things with me and worries I will find others to do things with then develop a relationship with them. I enjoy doing some things on my own - biking, hiking with dogs, going to the gym, I do not need company that I need to keep up with or make conversation with. What I do need to find is some balance. I feel so bad when I want to head out for a hike and then change my plans to find something we can do together, it ends up sitting around the house doing nothing many times.

He is so sweet, I don't want to make him feel guilty, and I don't want to take off without him, but still want to enjoy activities. Anyone else finding success in this area? I want to continue a healthy, loving, happy supportive relationship and know it can be difficult. I don't know how to handle this so it doesn't become a problem over time. Any tips?

basicgirl basicgirl
46-50, F
Sep 15, 2012