To Love Or To Numb Out?

My husband's chronic pain has changed our relationship and although I know this, and have been living with these changes for seven years, I occasionally hold out hope that the bubble he lives in will open and we will have an emotional relationship again. People ask me how he is. "Still in pain," is my response, over and over and over. How do I explain my pain when they don't ask? How do I explain (even to myself) that his pain has taken the very core of our relationship away and the emotional pain it causes me haunts me each minute of the day? The protective bubble he lives in comes to bed with us. Sometimes we hold hands. Sometimes I lay on his shoulder because he has asked me to, but then my emotions start to bubble up and knowing he can't respond to them, I turn over onto my back and silently cry. Yes, I've approached this subject with him, but it just causes him to feel bad and he doesn't know what to do or say, because for some reason he can't reach out beyond his bubble. So, I numb out. I stay in my head. I don't allow my heart to feel. I hate all of this.

But.... I will try again today to look for joy somewhere and maybe, just maybe, I will feel that little spark of joy from someone or something else before I go back home and love the bubble I live with.
myforlornheart myforlornheart
56-60, F
8 Responses Jan 12, 2013

Wow....after 18 years of marriage and 8 years of watching my husband slowly put himself inside a wall I can't reach this is so refreshing. I don't know how to explain it but this person did, to know I'm not alone helps. I love my husband but it's so hard sometimes!! Thank you

Thank you. The bubble, I get that. Sometimes you're in it, and some times you're not. And you can't always tell which.

I am amazed to see how common this is...I am going thru' the same thing. I have just come to realize that I will have to continue to stay numb... It's the only way I can do it.

My best to you. Feel free to PM me if you need to chat.

Thank you for sharing, it made me think about my wife who I love so much. I need to work harder at asking her what she wants to do. Thanks again, I was told @ a young age you don't ever let anyone know how you feel. I'm tired.

I know the bubble feeling too, though it seems more like a wall ten feet thick that even though we're touching physically still seperates us like a million miles, how do you give voice to your fears and cares when they always hurt the one you've devoted so much time to uplifting, its not easy, and I can't give you any suggestions on making it easier, just keep the faith and pray, its all any of us have left, the hope that things will get better

Hard to believe I know exactly how you feel. Every minute everyday. Its like I tell my husband, I can see the pain when he blinks. And I'm 32 married 7 years. He got hurt really really bad in the Navy.

This could be my story, I cry silently too often. Thank you for sharing.

I could have wrote this also. Although I never really thought about it being a bubble.

We validate their pain and we need them to validate ours.