Moving Forward

I have read through many of the stories on this site. I really appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It helps to hear that others out there understand on some level what I am going through.

I am wondering if anyone has a story about moving past the resentment? Accepting their spouse and the pain they carry with them? I don't want to live the next several years being married to my husband in resentment, angry, sadness, wondering what it would be like to marry someone else, or jealous of other couple's happiness. That negativity clouds my judgement and I wonder if I even still love him anymore.

I am a problem solver and this a problem I am having trouble solving. The pain, the depression - it will never go away. How do I - we - move forward and surrender to what is?
ssindel ssindel
26-30, F
3 Responses Jan 19, 2013

I am in the same boat as well , I do not want to feel resentment twords my husband and that is actually what i have been trying to work on recently . Im so tired of feeling this way about our situation and when i feel this way , times and opportunities i do have to spend with him and connect i mostly try to stay to myself and leave him alone. Im only 23 , I have a long way to go till the end of marriage and i want it to be the best i can make it , So i try my very best. It is super hard though when i try my very best and my Husband is blinded by his pain and see's nothing that i have done to try. In the moment of course he appreciates what i have done to help us or him, But boy let me tell you on a bad day I swear sometimes im his punching bag (not literally) . It hurts We have a horrible cycle and we always have the same fight And somehow during these fights it go off the direction of the pain onto me and how im a bad person or how in our teenage years all the mistakes i made some how get all brought up again. With all this being said Yes it hurts and i often disconnect because i dont know what else too , but im still seeking a road to be happy , I guess not really seeking , i find i am truely happy its just my husband and his pain i feel just keeps on takeing us steps back. I joined this group to find support , thank you for sharing your thoughts its nice to see that im not the only one dealing with a situation like this. I use to try talking to family or friends about this but it just makes things worse and there opinions are usually not what im looking for . Im not looking for opinions actually im looking for support. I try to work as much as possible on my inner self , i pray and talk with god alot hopefully one day he can me a deal with me ...that would be nice ... im still waiting . Good luck to you

I feel the exact same way. My husband has had chronic pain for three years now and I go back and forth between trying to be a super wife - always supportive, positive, trying to find solutions, and being a bit of a jerk - resentful, bitter, judgy and grumpy. Sometimes I think about leaving him, since I am young and feel like my whole life is still ahead of me. Sometimes, I'm convinced that I am committed to our love always and that this is simply part of life's journey. We have two small kids and he loves them so much. He is such a great dad, but his pain prevents him from being the parent he could be. Lately I feel like the kids are really noticing his pain and acting out against him 'I don't like daddy, he is always lying down'. This must be so hurtful to him, it would be to me. Sometimes I wonder if I still love him, there seems to be a lot of tough days, a lot of fighting or disconnection. I feel like all of these opportunities are passing me by, as I sit on the couch, helping to support my husband. I wish I could move past these feelings to accept our reality and find peace in the situation. I still think we'll find a solution, but it feels like a far off dream right now....

In my marriage, I'm the one in pain. And I worry that my husband will start to resent it. But, somedays it hurts to breathe, to walk, to exist. I try my hardest not to complain or make a big deal of it, but I wish I could know what it's like to have a full night's sleep, or to walk without pain, or to be able to shave my legs without being in agony. Some days are good, some are bad.
I try really hard to make sure I do things on my own without complaining on the good days so when I have bad ones and I need help he doesn't feel like it's constant burden.