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Life With An Addict

Last year at this time my husband admitted to many counts of addictive behavior. It was only the course of the year that i discovered exactly what his addictions included. To my surprise his father is a recovering addict and is perhaps still a coke head. he dabbled in coke and he admitted to being a very heavy pot smoker as well as compulsive gambler....just to mention a few. fortunately for me he bouncing from one addiction to another.. whether its working, gambling, pills, pot, smoking, alcohol or shopping. anything to keep from being real.  

all this didn't not make any sense to me until he literally was dragged to rehab last year. After an intense 28 days he came back renewed and refreshed. I was so pleased with his progress and he was all of a sudden fun to be with again. I was so happy.. I was able too see the silver lining in all the pain and thought the worst was over. 

I began reading alot about addictive behavior, and mostly about high Risk personality which my husband suffers from...and I really thought I had everything under control . I began therapy to build myself up after years of what I didn't realize was emotional abuse.  

then the relapse came...half way through the process....I didn't pick up on it at first but I noticed some patterns repeating itself ...I still felt like I was going nuts. the constant manipulation was killing me....and  still does.  He finally came forward telling me what had happened.. and he started going to IOP right away.  

Again, i felt home free. Although we were back to square one I felt he must have learned by now!!!!

A year later, a ******* year later...I feel like killing my husband. now he claims he is not an addict... yes maybe one he had a problem but according to him he is in control.  I cant take it and I don't buy it. I see all the signs....the way he turns everything I say around...telling me I'm the crazy one.    what kind of person after a long tiring day, after not seeing his wife or kids goes to poker game because he got a "call"  they asked how can I say no?  meanwhile after coming home in the wee hours of the night is surprised by the inevitable wake up call of his four children..ages 7-1  HELLO this is your life wake up you moron.....deal with it..

I'm telling you feel like I'm surrounded by addicts....my husband for starters...then there my father in law who my husband claims is using again....so there he telling me things about his fathers addictive behavior that I'm feeling about him ...then there is my god forsaken brother.... what has addiction problems since god knows when..only I grew up in a house of denial and secrets all my life. now my brother is married and I see myself seven years ago in his wife..." oh let him have his vices it cant hurt" "when the baby comes he'll change, you'll see" 

I want to scream on the top of my lungs!!!! ADDICTS don't learn from the past!!!!  is a processing problem......if you ask my husband is he's and addict...he'll tell you no way...I made a mistake and it wont happen again...meanwhile he spinning out of control!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uh I hate him. the ups and downs  I'm tired.

thanks for listening...I feel like there is a lot of pain out there.. i guess helps knowing I'm not alone...or am I?

 

enraged enraged 26-30 5 Responses Dec 25, 2008

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u not a lone i was married to addict for over 20 years the lies stealing living in denial the manipulation u think u crazy one i saw his heath failed the endless drug programs the sleepless nights my brother on drugs my sisters my niece my brother in law died from drugs finally on march 8 2012 it claim my husband life i tried for years to save his life but the drugs over powered the love i had for him i hope u husband dont let drugs take his life i wont say iam not scared dont let it destroy u try to get him some help if he dont want it distant your self from it

u not a lone i was married to addict for over 20 years the lies stealing living in denial the manipulation u think u crazy one i saw his heath failed the endless drug programs the sleepless nights my brother on drugs my sisters my niece my brother in law died from drugs finally on march 8 2012 it claim my husband life i tried for years to save his life but the drugs over powered the love i had for him i hope u husband dont let drugs take his life i wont say iam not scared dont let it destroy u try to get him some help if he dont want it distant your self from it

Its scary to read your life right in front of your eyes...except it isn't my life - I guess we aren't as alone as we thought.

Hi I was married for 36 years to an addict..........lived with all the insanity, spend lots of time in Alanon, saved my life........then 2 years ago, my husband went into the bathroom, attempted to eat a Fentanyl patch, caused a brain aneurism, and died!!!!

When alive, he was charming, (to too many), not emotionally available, getting the buzz was the most important, taking no accountability, blaming me always, funloving like a large child, and no they don't learn from mistakes......tough to have an intimate relationship, especially when we are trying to change them.....forget it, however we do learn how to build a life for ourselves, despite adversities, and we take the best of him that we can get......now though that he is gone......I would give anything to have him back, rather than live this lonely life alone always, .....addiction is insane for sure, and it does make us crazier than it ever makes them, but compared to addiction, this is plain agonizing torture.......cause when our familly had lots of fun times together, it was great.........and much of the time he was high, but functioned very well.......

Now after all those years of living with addiction......and finally establishing some great life.......then he goes for the ultimate buzz......and dies in an instant!!!

Now we are just all left with a horrible nightmare, and traumatized......

How truely bizzare life is.......



Hang in there, find support in Alanon or wherever works for you.......allows you to have a life again, and not be so torn up in your life from the effects of addiction.....



hang in there......your never alone as the co-dependent.......your addiction may be considered to be addicted to him.......if the majority of your day is about the frustration of him and his behaviors.......then does it feel like you have become addicted to him???



Hang in there.....with these tough life lessons....of what huh???



oohoohchild

You really are alone but you are not alone in what you are experiencing with him. I also am married to a lying drug addict and no matter what, it always ends up being my fault. I'm almost at the end here