Not Giving My Love For His Attention.

Update: Well after he made the decision to keep drinking, instead of bringing home his check, he went out and drank and smoked a "doobie". This binge lasted for 2 days.Now his job is giving him drug test and he's scared. I won't support this! I made the decision to let him ramble on as usual and totally ignore him. Yesterday I had to go to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. I had a revelation as he was pulling it. My rotten tooth was him, the doc had to numb me because I was afraid but willing to accept the pain that was to come next. This particular tooth had given me months of endless headaches, restless nights and total agony through the day. I felt no relief in sight. This tooth represented my life with him. As I was feeling numb waiting for the doc to pull it, I realized that this was my feelings toward Him. When the time finally came for him to pull it, I had knots in my stomach. The time came, he pulled it and I did the strangest thing...I had a genuine good hearty laugh! I guess you can see where this is going. "He" has a new problem??? Now I was forbidden to talk to my brother. He feels that my brother is trying to find me another man, right under his nose! This is the madness that I'm dealing with now. Mind you, I haven't said two complete sentences in 4 days. He tells me he'll be glad when I get my head out of my *** and act "normal". Ha! Now he wants sex. I refuse to give my body to a man who has let drinking dictate how he physically looks. He shaves once a week, looks like a mountain man and comes home so dirty that his nails don't come clean unless he washes the dishes for a week and the smell is horrible. A few years back, he was tipsy drunk and I agreed to give him some. While he was looking at me during the act he slobbed in my face. From that point on, no sex unless on my terms. He now drinks more and I know that It's not my fault. Whatever dude.
QueenV63 QueenV63
46-50, F
Sep 25, 2012