Living With An Alcoholic

This is very hard for me,but after reading some of the other stories I don't feel alone. I'll start off by saying I grew up with an alcoholic father,and watched my mother suffer for years with the consequences of that. I started dating my husband at the age of 16 , and I knew I would be with him forever. He took care of me and gave me all the attention I never received from my dad. He drank from the very beginning,but we were in high school and it was partying on the weekends which I thought surely he'll grow out of. So much for that thought. I am now 34 with three daughters and the partying didn't stop. My husband is a highly functioning alcoholic. He runs his own business and has always taking care of us financially. I would classify him as a binge drinker. He gets drunk atleast once a week(usually on the weekend) but not always. I know that alot of people have it alot worse. When the girls were young it was easier to hide,because they didn't realize their dad wasn't coming home,but now that their older I find myself very resentful for protecting him all these years. They think the world of their dad,and I don't want to take that away from them. His drinking has interfered in so many aspects of our life. I can never depend on him. I was always on edge when I was pregnant afraid he wouldn't be there. I'm constantly afraid something is going to happen (an emergency) and I won't be able to get a hold of him or it would be useless if I did. I have a hard time letting the girls have friends over because I'm never sure if he's coming home or if he does what shape he'll be in. I can  never plan for anything,not even vacations because he's ruined plenty of them too. From the outside people think we have it made. He has lots of friends and a great business. Wev'e been together almost 18 years and people look up to that. Iv'e done such a great job of protecting our image. Iv'e never even told my own mother he drinks,because I didn't want to disappoint her. She thinks I have this perfect life. Inside I'm dying. I don't know who I am. This has consumed my life. I don't want to become a bitter old women. I see all these seemingly happy couples and I wonder what lies beneath. Is this to be my life? Walking on eggshells , monitoring every word and action that I say or do for fear that will be the trigger. He has no consequences. He has a devoted wife and three daughters that think the world of him. Why would he change? It's worked all these years.

3lilgirls 3lilgirls
31-35, F
Feb 16, 2010