I Live With Chronic Pain
I live with chronic pain. I fell down on February 14th and broke my femur. The only upside was that I fell in the shower and got to spend Valentine's Day naked, in the shower, with six paramedics. All men, all young, and most good looking. But who cares when you're leg is broken in two!
I remember asking the orthopedic surgeon in the hospital just prior to the first surgery, "Just how long will I be out of commission?" He said that normally this takes 2-3 months of sitting around healing. I thought, "I can name that tune in 2 months." My plan was to do everything exactly the way my doctor ordered so I could be the superstar patient.
Five months later I got the green light to get back on my feet. That meant using a walker for one month and a cane for the next two. Now I've been without a cane for two months, but hobble a bit like Dr. House.
Here's what I never anticipated: I hurt every day with every step. I never dreamed my life could be so side-tracked. (How naive and absurd!) Like a spiral or cascade, I've have everything from anxiety attacks to a cardiac catheterization . . . all as a result of a simple slip in the shower.
In spite of Lexapro, I cry a lot. At the drop of a hat, a hanky, a ham, or . . . Name it. I cry for the loss of my ability to walk normally. I cry for the inability to be speedy. I cry because I hurt. And then I feel guilty because I CAN walk when many others can't. Then I cry because I feel guilty.
I wonder if anyone out there in cyberspace has dealt with anything like this? I'm looking for ideas on pain management. Nothing will sound ridiculous to me (acupuncture? Yoga? witch doctor?).
Wow. I feel better just putting this down on "paper." It's enough to make a girl cry!
