Bad Days

Yep I get a lot of bad days. I am a pretty positive person but sometimes the pain is too much to bear.
I was fit and healthy when I had my first car accident and injured my spine. I spent 6 weeks in a neck brace and most of my time flat on my back with terrible pain. Not one to be brought down and after having every test known to man, Chiro, Reiki & Cortizone injections I could not stand not living my life. I did what they said to do and the pain continued. I know my limits and was determined to get on with my life. I did most things that I used to do and knew when I overdid it because the pain was excrutiating.
Seven years after my first accident came my second. It was the most horrifying moment of my life, with my 2 young kids in the car. Seeing them come forward in their seats and screaming. Even after all this time I still cannot believe I was lucky enough to have my kids in one piece. Neither of them were injured but I injured my spine again and broke my tailbone. I had a back brace and carried a donut cushion around with me for 10 months. I could not sit on chairs properly and can no longer do situps.
Now by the time I had my second accident I had built up quite a threshold to pain, what once was a 10 then became 9, then 8, then 7. I can get a lot of good days but then can wake in the morning and have excrutiating pain, running down my legs in spasms. Travelling long distances can take it's toll and I am usually drugged up to the eyeballs, just to get there.
I work full time and have my farm. Most days are good but some I can do no more than move from the bed to the couch. I have a wonderful partner who is very understanding and 2 wonderful teenage kids who know just how much pain I can be in. Just standing some days is not on. I have another condition now that is going to get worse over time. I can only live from day to day and hope it is not all too much. Sometimes I cannot do housework, but I am beyond caring. I have been to parties and had to leave before the food is served because the pain got so bad. I am surrounded by people that have known me for the last 20 years and have seen me on my worst days, I am lucky they understand.
Some days the pain is so terrible it makes me throw up. I feel like I want to just rip my spine out of my body because it is so bad.
There is little relief on bad days..........today is one of those days.
HowMuchCanaKoalaBear HowMuchCanaKoalaBear
41-45, F
3 Responses May 9, 2012

I am soooo sorry you have to go through that, although I know me being sorry doesn't help you much. I am glad you have people who do understand. That helps so much. It sure helps to vent too.

I understand, and sympathize. The only difference is I don't have children to worry about, but the constant pain I am with you. I have always been a very positive person, but hurting makes that so hard. I keep trying and I hope you will too ....hopefully it will help to know the you are not the only one trying to stay positive through the pain!

Thank you so much, I have a lot of good days in between the bad so I am extremely lucky in that respect......but the bad days can be horrible and I just want to rip my spine out. I am always positive and aim to live my best life.

Bless your heart, I so know the pain, if you need to talk on those bad days I am here and will listen. I hope today is a good day :)

You are very kind......thank you.