Venting

I moved to the US to be with my fiance. We live togeter and I like it. But at the same time it's very hard. He's a busy guy. He's at work a lot, and when he comes home he talks with me for 15 or so minutes before he has to do some work on his computer. In the morning it's the same thing.

I've been trying to be good about it, to let him do all this important stuff he needs to do. I hate the feeling of being in the way. He says he loves me, he says he wants to spend time with me. I believe him, and yet at the same time I feel like I'm not the most important thing in his life. The time I spend with him always feels rushed because I know he has something to do, or some place to be. And I'm always the one suggesting we could go for a walk, or watch a movie etc, if I don't I know he'll be by the computer instead, and sometimes when I do suggest something he seems reluctant to leave.

It's terrible frustrating! I wanted to marry him and I still do, it feels very right, but I can't live like this. I'm sure it would help if I had a job as well, or went to school and had more friends here besides him, but right now it's just not the case. It's hard fitting in in a new country. I have a lot of anxiety, and I'm battling it on my own without his support, - or so it feels like.

Do I have the right to demand that he drops everything to be with me and help me? I feel torn. I feel like he just expects me to fit in on my own. I thought we were a team!

I blame myself. I could go out and find some friends, find something to do and not depend on him so much. I'm sure it would help. I feel so pressured and scared. He's my fiance! I'm suppose to love him, and it scares me to see resentment grow inside of me.

Today I started to cry. Again. I cry a lot. And I told him how I felt. He comforted me, and listened to me, he's good at that. Before he went to work he said he might do less on the computer for a while, he looked sad. I felt guilty, and even more frustrated.

Once he told me that "this is how life is, it is terribly busy". I wanted to scream at him. I wish I had but instead I bottled it up, knowing in a sense that he's right. But does it HAVE to be??  I've been trying to be a "nice girl" for too long, and I'm sick of it! I want to shake him and scream that I don't want it,  I don't want life the way he sees it. He's so rigid!    

I could go home. Home to Norway. But I don't want to. I want it to work out between him and me, and I think it will. The thing is that we decided to get married so I don't have to go home, and that is terribly overwhelming. The wedding  has to happen soon or I have to return to Norway for three months. I don't know what to do! I want to beat him with a stick!

Windance Windance
22-25, F
3 Responses Jul 26, 2007

That is a good idea :) He usually supports me when I explain why I need it :)

How about suggesting that the two of you go to social gatherings rather than movies and "alone" activities. Maybe he can be there with you while you make friends. That is what I am trying to do, as I also feel alone and my boyfriend is always busy

Thank you so much for your wonderful reply :)<br />
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Me and my fiance have been talking a lot, and I feel better. We both do. I'm going to try to get a students visa, so I can stay here without getting married. But if I don't...well, I don't know what to do then. I don't want to go back to Norway.