He Can Be Great,but Its Always Been Up/down,now More Down Than Up

we met and became inseperable instantly.we wer married 3 weeks after we met.none the less i shouldve ran when he told me he was bipolar.but he had so many other things to offer besides that problem that i ignored it.well its 2 years later,he had a blackout a few weeks ago,hurt my arm and laughed while he did it,this was after demanding to relaspe in his sobriety.i forgave him when he told me he didnt remember it but the condition to his coming home was that he takes his meds.he did,for 2 wks,now he says he "chooses to keep his balls instead" of taking the lithium hes prescribed.but its very dangerous,n a matter of time before he hurts me again.hes already defended hurting my arm which isnt him,and wasnt his opinion when he came home he felt terrible about what he had done to me.ove told him if he isnt gonna take the lithium i want him to leave,ofcourse he refuses which is a typical reaction for him.ive always tried to be there for him but its starting to suck the life out of me so ive been spending alot more time wit my kids at the park,or riding around,just doing things i like.i lie about what im doing or leave out details becuz he would make it about him thats what bipolar men do,n its about me n what i need when i take this time to myself.but man am i tired,drained,feel unloved n hurt n lied to.he says things that hurt me often,he only cares about his feelings,i miss being loved and appreciated n not so confused or misserable.i love him but i ******* hate him.i am leaving soon or finding a way to make him cuz i cant live my whole life like this,unhappy n constantly keeping him from getting arrested every time he dosnt get his way somwhere.i love this site though,its nice to know im not alone.
rachaelinvermont rachaelinvermont
1 Response May 20, 2012

My gf has been diagnosed and it's hard sometimes it really it is but the love I have for her keeps me grounded sometimes I feel unloved but I remind myself that it's not really her at that time but it is so hard because I'm so busy loving and looking out for her but who is gonna love and look out for me I don't want to leave I want to stay and help her fight this we are great when she is herself and that's what I hold on to