To Hell With Him,not Me

we met and became inseperable instantly.we wer married 3 weeks after we met.none the less i shouldve ran when he told me he was bipolar.but he had so many other things to offer besides that problem that i ignored it.well its 2 years later,he had a blackout a few weeks ago,hurt my arm and laughed while he did it,this was after demanding to relaspe in his sobriety.i forgave him when he told me he didnt remember it but the condition to his coming home was that he takes his meds.he did,for 2 wks,now he says he "chooses to keep his balls instead" of taking the lithium hes prescribed.but its very dangerous,n a matter of time before he hurts me again.hes already defended hurting my arm which isnt him,and wasnt his opinion when he came home he felt terrible about what he had done to me.ove told him if he isnt gonna take the lithium i want him to leave,ofcourse he refuses which is a typical reaction for him.ive always tried to be there for him but its starting to suck the life out of me so ive been spending alot more time wit my kids at the park,or riding around,just doing things i like.i lie about what im doing or leave out details becuz he would make it about him thats what bipolar men do,n its about me n what i need when i take this time to myself.but man am i tired,drained,feel unloved n hurt n lied to.he says things that hurt me often,he only cares about his feelings,i miss being loved and appreciated n not so confused or misserable.i love him but i ******* hate him.i am leaving soon or finding a way to make him cuz i cant live my whole life like this,unhappy n constantly keeping him from getting arrested every time he dosnt get his way somwhere.i love this site though,its nice to know im not alone.
rachael23invermont rachael23invermont
22-25, F
1 Response May 20, 2012

wow, this sounds like my man, minus the physical hurt.....ive decided a couple of months ago that this man is bipolar....we are just not clicking.....sometimes i feel like im dealing with an emotional female sometimes...when i want to talk about what im feeling, we end up talking about his crap.....he tends to turn things around....hes not what you would call an affectionate person but i know he loves me......hes has a lot to bring to the table so hell, its just his ways.....i met his family for the first time yesterday.....i hear his grown son is bipolar and his brother is a nut......2+2=4.....BINGO.....i think he is i have some hard decisions to deal with......i will continue to research....thank God for sites like this....