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Why Does He Always Run Away?....

i have been with my fiancé on and off 8 years now.... i am 25 and he is about to be 27. we have a beautiful 7 month old baby girl together as well.
back when we first started dating and that we would be great and then he would just disappear for months at a time with no communication. i was young and did my own thing very popular and outgoing so it didn't bother me. but now that we are serious and have a child i don't know what to do or how to handle the situation. my daughter was PLANNED but when i was about 4 months he freaked our an ran away changed his phone # even. he would call when he felt like it PRIVATE.  i was having complications and got in contact with him threw a friend and after emails and phone calls dealing with him in a manic state he did come back home for the delivery f our baby. he stuck around and held a job for the following 4 months. he has been interested in getting his CDL and did so. he then found a job as an over the road driver. he wasn't home as often as i wished but he was still meeting his fatherly responsibilities. when he was home it was great but as of last week i can tell he is having one of his "bipolar tantrums" as i call them. he is telling me we need a break he doesn't want to be with me ignoring my phone calls starting crazy unnecessary fights with and so on. i know he is Manic. when ever he isn't getting much sleep or is away from me to long he gets like this. and i becomes so much work to get him back "to earth". he is stubborn, acting all high and mighty, not  sleeping (about 4says awake now), not on meds (hasn't been on meds in 7yrs), and this is just so stressful for me. i basically am a single mother to our child and i really want to make things work between us i obviously love him very much and i want to make our family work
HELP!!!
i don't know what to do anymore or how to handle the situation
his mother is no help she lys for him and then tells him our entire conversation knowing that just upsets him more 
my family doesn't understand and tells me to just change my # and leave him ......

kenziesmommy kenziesmommy 26-30 5 Responses Jun 2, 2012

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Oh my god I thought I was alone I met my husband in o7 we married had a daughter and 8 weeks later he was leaving he was also in recovery well he would relapse and disappear for weeks 2-4 well now he is just leaving and returning the past 3 time he stays gone 2 to three days doesn't use but texts me mean messages so I took him to a phyc doc they put him on two meds trazadone and tegrtol he seems to have open up started cleaning cooking being in better moods planing small things before he was just dead no wants for anything diet sleep or eat or he would be so hi on life not eating just a total yo yo it's only been two weeks but I'm hopeful but at same time always waiting for the next episode

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Hi there, I truly hope things have improved for you since the last time you wrote the above message. Your fiancée sounds a lot like my ex fiancée. We were deeply in love one day and then the next he snapped into a totally different person. I still love him, but I decided to move on. I finally got tired of the back and forth emotional roller coaster.

I am a 47 yr old bi-polar, diagnosed as a teen. Tough illness. Tougher if you are not seeking treatment for it. Tough for yourself and anyone around you. I always sought treatment because I was glad that I finally had a reason for why things were the way they were. Even with treatment though, the illness raises its ugly head from time to time. My roller coaster ride is still going on, just not as extreme.<br />
The urge to flee is very strong with bi-polars. Very hard to overcome and the bipolar will come up with every logical reason they can that they should go but should be brought to recognize that this desire to flee is their illness and if they only "wait it out", the desire will dissipate. I can't count how many times in my life I have had this overwhelming desire to flee. From the times I ran away as a child on through the rest of my life. It is like a moth to the flame. Very hard to overcome. <br />
Thankfully today, I have a wonderful bride who is my true friend and support. She has seen my ups and downs and together we talk about them. Communication is very crucial. Be open and honest and hopefully he will be this way with you too. He needs to seek treatment most of all. Lithium is the drug of choice for bi-polars because it is found naturally in the body and words better than any new drug ever invented for bi-polars. Don't believe any doctor who tries to push the new stuff from the pharmaceuticals, because you know there is an incentive there. If a bipolar has not given lithium a try for at least 6 - 12 months, then they are doing themselves a disservice.

Thanks so much for your response. I'm a young wife of a man I love very much who is bipolar and unmedicated. We have been on this wave since 2008... He is in denial and largely we have no $$$ for the medical help he truly needs. But your input encourages me to not take his frequent withdrawal personal. Congrats on your marriage! How awesome is that God has blessed you:)

"Running" is a common symptom of bipolar mania. You are not alone and it is not personal. He is not running away from home or you. He is running away from himself, but of course, where ever he goes, there he is. It doesn't work, but then, most irrational plans don't. If he doesn't end up in a hospital or morgue, he will eventually cycle back and show up on the doorstep, but that's a big if when you love somebody. My husband doesn't do it, but my sister's husband does. <br />
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Does he accept the diagnosis or is he totally unaware? Does he have a clue how his behavior affects you? You might be interested in the work of Xavier Amador. He is a doctor who had a schizophrenic brother that didn't believe he was sick. Amador has just released an updated version of his book "I am not sick, I don't need help" and has lots of online articles that explain his LEAP program for helping people with mental illness accept help. Just do a search of the name.<br />
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It is unlikely that things will ever get better as long as he doesn't accept some sort of help. Bipolar tends to be progressive and get worse with each episode. If he is opposed to taking medication, there are treatment programs that can minimize the use of drugs--but they require great self-awareness and discipline. <br />
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My husband has bipolar and is an over-the-road truck driver, but he is on medication and still has minor episodes. There are some medications that they can not take while on the road--some can cause drowsiness and one actually messes with depth perception--but if he is afraid that taking medication for bipolar will count against him on the DOT physical, he shouldn't be and if employers ever catch up with reality, they'll recognize that being medicated for mental illness means that a person is taking proper care of themself and that not being medicated does not mean that medication isn't appropriate.<br />
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You've probably already checked out the major websites like NAMI and DBSA and BPSO, but you can get a lot of good information there. Join a support group or forum where you can talk to others in the same situation. It really helps.<br />
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Bonnie

Thank you Bonnie for your advice. I am going to check out Xavier Amador... My husband has the same problem, same tendencies.... It's almost like you live on edge expecting an episode to hit each season. But I am determined to let my faith in Christ guide me into greener pastures and respond to him in a healthy way that will encourage him to seek medication. Thanks again.