Help Me ....

Please help me ! This is the first time I ever came out and spoke to someone I been living like this for the last 8 years and I am so tired of it I am physical emotional drained but my low self esteem and the fact I have no where to go keeps me from leaving him

My husband is an unmediated biploar
And it's the best kept secret from every one and I feel as I am alone and sometimes even wonder is he right or I am just crazy??
He's great actor around my family the sweet caring loving man yes that's the man I fell in love with many years ago

but it is short lived and the "monster" is out and he has one target that's me
he makes me feel like **** and yells at me and tells me things that a man who claims to love someone would never say or should do to there spouse
a year ago he started beating on me

(he's 6'5 and I am 4'10 )

the people in the downstairs apartment would constantly hear him yell and shout
but upon the them even arriving he would calm down and be a normal guy
he would blame me and get frustrated

I try to ignore "monster " moments sometimes the best way is to avoid him and hide in the one place in our home that I feel safe is the closet

When I wanna tell people they say Oh that's crazy Hes just so sweet and I am to hard on him

He only cares about himself and himself only
He constantly drinks and spends money like crazy ,
Sex life ? maybe 3 times a month
He rather watch it or spend time in the shower ,

He travels due to his job ..... he drinks all the time over there and sometimes for days I don't get a word from him I see so many different transactions and wonder if he is cheating on me

I wouldn't be surprised ,

He gets so sad and I wanna be there for him
He gets so mad and he starts hurting me
He gets so happy and loving then I feel I never wanna leave

I get so sad and hurt and he laughs at me
I get some strength to leave and he tells me I am noting without him
I get so happy and lucky for me he's happy too and we are in love all over again .
An Ep User An EP User
Feb 10, 2013