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Your Love Is Not Enough...

I met my husband through his bio mother.We are both adopted,just by coincidence.I knew his mom for quite a while and I realized from the things she had told me and from wittnessing her behavior that she was an emotionally disturbed person.I'm not saying she acted crazy,just very moody and sulky at the drop of a hat.That should have been a major warning sign to me that her son would probably have at least have some of the same emotional problems.I have never been around anyone with any psychological issues at that time and I was going through a divorce,so I was not at my best,needless to say.I realized pretty soon into the relationship that my boyfriend at the time,was very insecure and jealous.Well that progressed into controlling and later on into manipulation.I am now married eight years and for the last five we have been on a bipolar roller coaster.Let me tell you,I love my husband very much.I have come to realize though you can not love someoe enough to cure them.He refuses to admit that he has a problem and will not consider getting help.He thinks that everything he has done to me is my faut.He has lied to me cheated on me numerous times,he is vindictive and a major manipulator.You can't talk to or reason with bipolar people like you can with non-bipolar people.They will not admit they are wrong,they are not sorry for what they do and they have no empathy or compassion for others.I know you are reading this and thinking,why are you still married to him.I am in the process of getting out,but we have one car and it's in his name.He works and I don't.He controls all of the money and does not give me any.He puts minutes on his cell phone,but says we don't have money for mine.I sit in our apartment with no phone,no car and I have no family where I live.So I am considering going to a shelter.My husband does not hit me,because he knows that ain't gonna happen!He has abused me in every other way and I have come to the conclusion,that there is nothing I can do to help him and I am tired of sacraficing who I am to be with him.I want to warn those of you out there,men and women alike,if you see the signs of bipolar or if you know there is a family history and the person is unmedicated run the other way and don't look back.I am a confident person,I love myself and I am very sane.When you live with a spouse that is bipolar it sucks away all the energy and self worth you have after a while.You start to feel as if your are the reason this person is like this.Believe me,you are not the reason.I have never cheated on my husband,I am not vindictive and I try to do all that I can to keep him happy.Trust me,it will never be enough.No matter what,there will always be something wrong when you deal with an unmedicated bipolar person.I am glad I was able to find this group,because I desperately need someone to talk to.
idontknowanymore38 idontknowanymore38 36-40, F 1 Response Aug 3, 2009

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Wow, it sounds a bit more than Bi-Polar to me.... my husband was exactly like you are describing yours to be.... I just put mine down as a narcissist and a bit psychotic and delusional... he tried every kind of abuse and I started wising up, getting myself educated and when his verbal tactics stopped working he started with the physical things, so just be careful. Get out as quickly as you can... I never thought my husband would hit me and he always said he wouldn't but when he did it was "cause and effect" and ALL my fault apparently.... and then he promised to never do it again and then what do you know, next time he upped the anti and could have killed me but then according to him none of it happened at all...<br />
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keep a record of the things that he does to you... the verbal abuse, the withholding of the money everything, keep a diary, if you need evidence later this is good evidence. Go and talk to a GP, I found mine was really helpful and they can put you in contact with a lot of resources.<br />
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If I were you, I would get to a shelter, they are very supportive, also contact friends who don't know your husband and tell them what is going on try and stash grocery money and use a pay phone or ask someone on the street for some change.... I wouldn't recommend talking to people who know him because you really never know how far he will go to manipulate them too.... I made that mistake and it cost me.<br />
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You'll find that help will come your way... don't wait too long, anywhere is better than where you are now... and its only going to get worse... trust me. If I can do any more for you please let me know....