I Am Rick The Outside Protector

Everyone hates me because I protect with anger, very bad language and that's alright because I pretty much hate everyone too except Suzie. I am 14 years old and street wise.


Last night I was awaken out of a dead sleep screaming out loud "No, No, No Rick!" Why do you want to kill everyone? I suppose he meant the Insiders. Now I am afraid to go to sleep. Something like this has never happened before and it really scared me. Here comes yet another sleepless night.
longfang2 longfang2
56-60
2 Responses Sep 19, 2012

I may or may not be DID. The therapist says no...the kids in my head say yes :p.
I have someone called Shawn who's the protector...Shawn's 5-ish, though he's feeling bigger these days. He could best be described as "the side of me/us you do not want to get on."

The thing about protecting with anger? you can do rash things that way. Shawn assumes everyone is a threat. I think he started as the intellectual realization, when I was 5, that everyone was a threat.
But he really cuts through the BS, too. He's valuable, everyone in my head is.

Some therapist don't believe in DID. Do you see Shawn and any others? Do you lose time? Get headaches? Yes they are valuable!

----Mental images and inner voices. --- I don't seem to lose time, however I used to blank out parts of grocery shopping, Blanking out what people say when shouted at.---Yep, sharp, stabbing pains that correspond to when I feel "pushed on/stretched out."

When I get hurt or feel threatened then Rick comes out to say and do what I can't and he holds the anger and the rage.

I know what they look like. Their favorite thing is to play music in my head til I feel like screaming. They seem to like to talk when I am trying to go to sleep and I really hate when they mutter as if they don't want me to know what they are talking about. I get horrible headaches especially when everyone seems to be coming and going quickly. It's like being on a roller coaster and I just keep thinking "I want to get off now." I've been in therapy off and on since my early twenties but am not now but thinking about it again. I don't deal with anger/rage....Rick does. Flashback or night terror....I don't know what it was...only that it really scared me and hope it never happens again. I lose time.

Grocery shopping is the best. My husband always gets pushed there. In fact the alters push each other. Going out to eat is another adventure. Sounds like DID to me.

I think Joy was the one salivating over kitchen gadgets...she had a Betty Crocker Easy-bake oven.

Oh, We have a "Little Betty Crocker" too! = )

4 More Responses

You do what you know to do. That's your job and you are just misunderstood. Are you in therapy to help learn new skills and ways of dealing with your anger?

Your dream may be a flashback or night terror?