Lies Part Of The Disease!!!!!!

Disease or excuse?
 personally I think its an excuse.
Why are you angry? I didn't do that to you!!!! Wait I don't remember so I didn't do it...does this sound like your life?
Alcoholic / drug addict one then the other. I can't breath any more, I want out but  I know ,the only escape will be death. 
The mental abuse has broke me down. I was once a strong woman full of life, and despised women like the woman I have become.
I look back and now can see, but its too late for me. 
I could write a book on all  that I have endured from the hand of this man that I married. and if I could help one not to make the same mistake I would do just that. But for now I will write and release some of the heartache here, someone may read and no one may read, either way I have found a place to just release. I pray alot and most of the time when I write I feel the Angels carries my words in a form that God understands.
I know that in spite of my self God loves me and has brought me thur my life journey.
I am now a lot older and I hope a little wiser, so if I can help others I will say GET OUT NOW!!!!! 

mommaceitta mommaceitta
51-55, F
14 Responses Jan 2, 2012

I really appreciate your response. What a wacked out disease. I have finally stopped thanks to the grace of God and the support of my family. No matter what the outcome is tomorrow, I will be grateful each and every day I have in sobriety. Thank you again for your prayers and support. I will pray for your family as well.

I am always here for you, and so very proud of you

Another Up-Date
Another prayer answered, sometimes the answer is not what we really wanted, but to question is not me....
My hubby continues to love me, really love me...i find love notes everywhere...and he showers me with kisses and hugs, for no reason just to tell me how lucky he is to have me beside him...
His drinking has stopped, yea if he takes a drink he gets so sick...:) yes that makes me smile...sorry can't help it.he is the man i fell so deeply in love with.
his health has went south, as has mine...but there is comfort in knowing someone..the right there to be the help mate...always and forever...
So light is at the end of the tunnel. the light of God...
Stay faithful and he will be faithful to you....
God bless and know I am here for any all..if for a chat, a pat on the back or prayer...

Hello to all of you, what a special group, Things have changed since I first wrote this story so here is update:<br />
My health has gotten really bad, I mean screaming pain all the time. I leave me hubby twice a month and stay with the kids. Gone usually 3-4 days.<br />
Hubby has Hep-C and he has the opportunity for the miracle cure. All he has to do is not drink for 2 months.<br />
I have watched him struggle really struggle with this. I encourage him, and I decided not to push its his choice death r drink. he is choosing drink.<br />
He is trying to show me love all of a sudden, and taking the time to try and make me comfortable. Says he owes me. :(<br />
So the drinking is gonna kill em and that makes me sad.<br />
But I will be here for him and he's all of a sudden here for me.<br />
So the hell of this life has taken another turn but it will be better because he is changing. <br />
We will see where it goes. God bless to all <br />
Thanks so much for the support. <br />
loves and hugs

Living with an alchoholic can be a cruelling experiance. I am an alcholoic, but I have been sober now for 18 years. Your spouces can't get sober by themselves, and it's not your job to get them sober. As a matter of fact the longer you stay with them, they are being enabled. They have to hit bottom before they can start climbing the steps out of thier hole they have dug for themselves. That bottom might just be for you to let them work it out for themselves. Gypsyblu is passing on some great advice about the Family Groups of ALONON. Even though I am an alcoholic, and do attend those meetings, I am also a member of Alonon as well. I live in a world of alcoholics, and find their meetings very helpful. You should be able to find Alanon in your white pages of the phone book in your area. Good luck to All

thank you very good advice

glad you got out feetdreams.... stay strong.... (((hugs)))

Thank you...i will...i promise :)

I can so relate to your story...thank you for "venting" "sharing" :) I like you are older and wiser...but i want you to know i HAVE escaped the miserable marriage i was in..only 6 months ago!!!. So please dont ever think it is too late to wont believe how wonderful life is now for me....even at this older wiser age !!! :) i only wish i could pass my strength onto every woman who is going through the same!! take care xx

I am so glad that you got out!!!!! honey I know there is life out there I have been there and lived, lol and I hope you can spread your wings now and fly. You shall be in prayers, fly high sweet lady and enjoy your life... is a link to mettings....>Al-Anon Family Groups of Southern California, copy paste this and click to find out where there is a meeting for u go to, if u so desire............ Al-Anon/Alateen Meetings in The Los Angeles Area ((((hugs))))

I am looking for support, I was married to a control freak, an abuser, (both mentally and on occassion, physically), lazy man, had 3 children and was forced to see the truth after a 25 year marriage... got divorced & now am engaged to a very high functioning alcoholic/drug popper. He is a wonderful provider, and is very loving and caring when he wants to be. However, his moods go up and down more than my ex! I've already been living with him and my 2 younger children for a year, I have nothing, no job, no money, no family support. What do I do? I've been seeking full time employment for the past year, but haven't found a job as yet. I need to find a support group somewhere in the I.E. between Lake Elsinore/Temecula. Please help.

my advice is dont marry him

get child support for kids through the gov or thier father

I so agree with gypsyblu on this, if you are able to work, you can find work even if its fast food are diner, but you got to want the change. I am in a place with no options and that is tough. But if you got kids at home its a bad signal for them too see. I feel for you and don't need to tell you, you were there 25 years just same ole thing different face, hope you don't find this out the hard way. stay strong and good luck to you and your little ones

<p>,needaprayer, you are watching some one kill them selves........... my brother past on 16 months ago do to drinking, he was only 51. <br />
living with a heavy drinker doesn't matter if u give them reasons to nag, they don't need one .... they will just keep on doing it no matter what.... <br />
have you heard of Alanon? its a program for spouses who live with a alcoholic.....after a while we become just like the alcoholic, minus the drinking. <br />
please see if you can get ur self some help, you have worried to long about ur spouses welfare, you need to take care of you, you are just as important, get out and have some fun, away from the drinking spouse, even if its just to a movie, spa, park, find some place to go to where u can experience some down time........... please let us know how u are doing (((((hugs))))</p>

This is my first time coming to this site! Ive read some stories & have been crying cuz i can relate): Been in a relationship for over 15 yrs, & his dad is a binge drinker...I missed alot of the signs due 2 being young & so involved with trying 2 b the best mom I could b...Now, my child is an adult & the drinking is out of control now....Ive always been an outgoing fun loving person...Now, im doubtful & have lost all trust in my partner....Unfortunately he works around booze so hes never going 2 fully stop...He's already told me 2 the point where Ive lost count on him sayin im "cutting back" heard it all b4): WORST PART is living w/someone who I HAVE NEVER GIVEN REASON 2 DOUBT ME, 2 accuse me of anything & everything whenever I leave the house!! It's a constant fight... Always naggin @ me for no good reason...I feel like im living in a lonely miserable hell... Btw, his health is horrible, numerous er visits re:heart, & the dr telling him he better quit cuz its not going 2 turn out well...I dont get it? I feel like im watching some1 i love kill themselves... so sad..

Do not give up on yourself. I was at the point of killing myself, but after therapy, I learned to love myself again. don't keep telling him that he's killing himself, he knows this. Yes you are watching him die, I am watching mine do the same. I stopped worrying and started doing the things that gave me joy. I am still with him but I live for me now...

you my dear are on the right track.....
but for the rest of, the ones that can't go out side of the home, for whatever reason, we have each other and this is my support group. So any thoughts are advice are ear as for me is welcome..

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I know about me time, and you know I have a lot of it, lol I love to write once years ago, I was told to write, just write every thing started and have done just that for years. the difference between then and now, someone else reads my craziness now that is funny. sometimes I think I just think to much.

yes, my x drank...... he loved/ loves captain morgan and coke........ he was a high funtional drinker.... we had a nice life style, but he had no idea how to cope out side of his work, so he drank, he had a dark side..... glad im out .....i am PRESENTLY with a guy who doesnt drink, but he has other issues.......... ugggg

mine has other issues too, the other I hate. either he runs around like an idiot are in lays in the bed for days only to get up to eat bathroom back to bed, been there about four days now. My life just fades away one day at a time

momma has anything changed with ur spouse?

Thanks for the post and the funny part is I know you are right, just never heard it that way. I have always said medicating yourself. either way its the same.<br />
Sometimes it is just harder to watch than others, I am watching my best friend and my husband both battle liver disease and neither are winning the battle, yet they refuse to lay the drink down, but how can I judge when I am doing the same with smoking. So it is no doubt a disease.

its a DIS- EASE......> with life.<br />
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I like that description. I have been having a hard time with thinking of alcoholism as a disease because I was addicted to nicotine and no one made any excuses for my stupidity including myself. I can understand the overpowering craving/need because I was a cigarette user, but I still lack sympathy for him because I have no need to drink and have all of life's problems the same as he does. Funny thing is he is the one who helped me quit smoking. He quit illegal drug use on his own. He quit cigarettes on his own. All before I met him. He does not think he has an alcohol problem. He is angry, isolated, has to be on an evening "schedule" due to his "acid reflux", yet can down a six pack of beer and eat peanuts between 5 and 8 every evening. I guess alcohol is something else he will have to quit on his own. I just have not found the strength to leave with the kids yet.