More Degenerate With Each Passing Day

"What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger", such a cliche, but it rings true to many a people, in my case it's to the contrary.

I was born in south asia, in a upper-middle-class family. Till the age of four; life consisted of playing with girl servants, waiting till my dad arrived from work so I could wrap my arms around him and tell him of all the things I had done the previous week. (he worked as a doctor, but also was in partnership of a lucrative coal exporting and importing Co.)

I went to a prestigious english private school and did quite well, I loved school, I was extremely inquisitive in nature. I wanted to come top in class always so that my dad would feel proud of me, I think I was always competing for my dad's affection because even at a young age I knew that my older brother was the apple of my mom's eye. Though mom would never deprive me of any material things, I knew she withheld affection from me; she would rarely hug me (even in photos, she appears so stillted) or say I love you.

If I recall correctly I think I was about 6 years old, when I first witnessed my mom's 3rd suicide attempt. My mom discovered that my dad was having an affair with some high-profile prostitute, she went into the toilet and took several sleeping pills, (this was after she confronted my dad, and he hit her for accusing him of cheating even though the evidence that correlated her suspicions were induspituable). My aunt and uncle shortly arrived to our house (my brother who was crying hysterically called them-- I guess he understood the full gravity of the situation). Soon the house was in caos, the bathroom door had to be knocked down and mom was quickly rushed to the hospital to get her stomach pumped, but no ambulance was called as this would arise suspicion and would tarnish our good name. Mom and dad reconciled, not only to maintain appearances, but mom felt that it was God punishing her for going against her family's wish and marrying "beneath her".

We soon moved to live in NZ, because dad was getting death threats, from goons as we were becoming too wealthy too soon.

I hated living in NZ, I missed having servants, and my old friends, I was often subject to racist remarks "go back to your own country" and "do you eat curry, you curry muncha" by my peers. I was often bullied by the girls, but the boys used to like me, I think it's because I developed earlier than most girls. When I was in middle school, life was hell, I had no friends and lunchtimes would be spent in the library or trying to find "hiding spots'.

Life at home wasnt any better, mom felt isolated as Dad was rarely home, and she detested doing house work and raising children. Dad had another affair with a white woman, when mom threathened to leave him, he threw a shoe at her head, and she started bleeding profusely. Dad bandaged the wound, and the following day we all acted as if nothing happened.

In 2000,  we moved to Australia, I went to an all girls high school, and once again I was subject to bullying, all I did was study, but soon suffered from an  eating disorder (anorexia), after a speedy recovery, I had to change to another girls highschool; still no friends and all I did was study. I graduated as dux of my school and got into the university of my choice and the course.

As soon as I got into uni, I was bombarded with attention, as before I had a curfew at 4.10pm, I had to go straight to school and back, wasn't allowed to have a mobile phone or talk to any anyone, (I never had a sleep over). Guys were checking me out, wanting my number, whistling etc ( I secretly loved the attention, after all I just came out from a jungle of isolation). I was utterly shocked as I couldn't figure out (attributed to being socially inept) why only the "alpha-males" were pursuing me, as I never had a bf before, never went clubbing, or did any of the things people do these days.  But I later came to the knowledge that was because I was just a wager "you were just a target set by older guys I had to reach".

 I guess I shouldn't really complain, as there are people who are far worse than me, and I should be grateful that I even have a family who provided me with what I need. Even though I endured unrequited love, betrayal, abuse, at least I experienced the pseudo-euphoria of love, and at my darkest times I gain solace form the fact at least I have air in my lungs.

umathena umathena 18-21, F 8 Responses Apr 3, 2007

Your Response


I enjoyed reading your story, i don't think it's worth a book though, As long as you can learn from mistakes & understand why they happened i think you'll always have the power to change your future. A sad fact is that we all become our parents, but that does'nt mean we just inherit their bad qualities, think about that one.

I really felt your story and am glad you could share it with others. I grew up with not much money, with a single mother and two brothers me being the oldest.

I relate to your story but from another spectrum.

My mom and divorced when I was 4 he was an alcholic and very abusive to my mom.

I don't know what to think about your story. It's quite interesting and well written or typed. Forget about every other thing and try you get yourself together. I'm sorry to hear about the bullying from the so called white society. We have real big problems with that here in our country.

I just want to say in response to Radiant that the term Mormon is typically applied in the media to a wide variety of very different religious groups.

The term mormon is most often applied to the global and fast growing religion based in Salt Lake City (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). A problem arises when the same term is applied to tiny break off groups such as those that still practise polygamy. It confuses people such that they often don't know what they are talking about when they begin talking about mormons.

I also want to say that there is a big difference between secretly cheating on your spouse and committing adultery versus engaging in an open, candid, committed, family oriented, polygamist relationship.

Certainly as a south asian born into a Muslim family, you witnessed the double standards of religion and society. You witnessed the pain that having more than one wife will do to the first wife and the children. Although your dad was with a high profile prostitute, it was another way of having another "wife".

In our country there is a religion called Mormonism. Our country does not allow multiple marriges. It also prosecutes prostitutes and those who give them money to have sex.

However, the Mormon church memebers often choose to have more than one wife. They just have their own ceremony. Therefore they are not disobeying the law by having a civil ceremony to several women.

Consenting adults can have sex in any arrangement they choose but they can not pay for it.

Some Mormons do have the civil ceremony and they stay in hiding.

I do not understand why anyone whould do any of this because I am very self centered and selfish. I want to be the only one that pleases my husband.

On the other hand, I can imagine that there is not a single person in the world that can be everything to another person.

Some people imagine that they need more, other people may actually need more, and many people fail to see the beauty of the person they are already with.

In any case, a loving relationship is formed to fulfll both partners as much as possible. And if taking on a second wife hurts the loving relationship, it may not be worth the trouble.

Marriage is entered for the sake of stabiity in building and caring for a family.

A man or a woman can actually love more than one person.

The problem is that time and energy and finiances can only go so far.

The problem is that some can not allow another into the relationship.

The problem is that some men promise they will not allow anyother, but they get another woman anyway.

This is damaging to the self esteem of the women, and her abilit to trust, and it divides the man away from her time with him, her affections, and the finances of the home.

A society like ours actualy causes more problems when they prosecute protitutes and those who give them money for sex.

1. The prostitutes and their clients get diseases but do not seek help because of the stigma.

So the man goes back to his wife and infects her and the prostitute continues to infect others.

2. A prostitute can not do this as a business and pay into social security, vacation time and health care or retirement funds.

3. Because a business can not be build neither can the usual societal protection be used. Therefore, pimps are used. They are strong men find, guard and employ the prostitutes.

These men take most of the money and work the prostitutes nearly to death or actually to death.

4. Because of all the secrecy, an entire net work of undrground strong men and nasty types of people is build.

If prostitution was not illegal. Clean businesses could be run. A horny guy or a curious young man can have a meaningless momentary relationship that does not interrupt his love for his wife, nor take away as much time or finances from the family.

Next, talk about drugs:

A whole net work of ugly types of human beings run the undrground drug running business.

If drug use was not out lawed. If was done like our alcohol use is done, this entire underground stupidity would disappear!

In any case. When a person makes a promise to another person, then become tired of keeping that promise, there is little that anyone can do about it but feel sorry for both of them.

You write very well. You have shared some very dark natural human feelings that are easy to relate to.


I agree with your other two comments you really should write a book! You have definately lived an interesting life! You have wonderful writting skills also.

Yes, yes indeed write a book...

Wow...You have had an interesting life. I think you should write a book about it.