Simply Because...

I find them annoying as ****. No, I would not like to read your pamphlet about how all the damned souls like myself who are just living their lives are going to burn in some fictitious hell for all eternity, yadda yadda. Thanks but no thanks. The concept of hell is a funny and outdated one. For instance, when Christian crusaders finally made it up to the far north to try and convert the native Eskimo peoples, one of the main persuading tools was the idea that the souls of the unsaved would end up in a place of intense heat and fire... the eskimo's response? "GREAT! How do we get there!?" My best friend and I sat quietly in a Dunkin Donuts yesterday. He ate and drank coffee as we talked about nothing at all, really. We thought nothing of the gaggle of conservatively dressed people, mostly adolescents, who occupied a majority of the seating space there. My spidey sense was beginning to go off for whatever reason... wait... what did I overhear? Snippets of conversation... "...and that's why God means so much to me..." "people who don't accept Jesus really do deserve pity..." "...my church bible study group..." "jesus..." "jesus..." "jesus..." I thought to myself "Oh, Jesus...we're surrounded." This meant that it was only a matter of time before one of the crusaders for christ came over to the table where my friend and I peacefully sat to try and convert us or deliver some important message from on high or what have you. Great. No sooner than I had thought it, it came to pass. One of the much larger women of the group, probably about 20, wearing an absolutely unfathomable amount of bright blue eyeshadow lumbered over to my friend and me. "Hi, there. I noticed your tattoos." Ahhh...the old 'find something to connect with the sinner, strike up a conversation and weasel Jesus in there somehow to save save save that soul!! Jesus said I have to, so here I am in all my annoying, won't-leave-people-alone-to-eat-in-peace glory!!' Truthfully, if I were wearing a blue penguin suit with a lit sparkler sticking out of my *** this girl probably would have started off with 'hey, I noticed you're wearing a blue penguin suit and that there's a sparkler sparkling out of your um...well...' I reply with a disinterested "yeah?" Fully expecting her to blurt out something laughable like... 'You know who else likes your tattoos? JESUS!' The large cross-kisser continued "Yeah, so...what are you up to now." Score one for Captain Obvious, here. "We're sitting here and I'm watching this guy eat." I plainly stated. "That's cool. So...are you guys..." I cut her off quicker than a New Jersey turnpike driver... "You ever see the movie Jesus Camp!!??" (a documentary about a born again christian retreat camp for children...it's extremely disturbing. Child brainwashing, propaganda, psychological child abuse, et cetera.) "No, I never saw it." "You should see it. It's ****** up!" "okay...cool. So what are you guys doing?" Didn't she just ask this? "uhh...i'm still watching him eat. why?" "Well are you gu.." "WOW, that's a lot of blue eyeshadow you have on!!" Again, not giving her a chance. "Yeah, I'm pretty expressive and wild. I used to be a real partier." ahhhh, this explains a lot. You probably found jesus because you couldn't stand the guilt of getting blackout drunk at a frat house and simultaneously taking seven dudes anally on a pool table in the basement. There, there...all better. Jesus forgives you, so it's okay that you've seen more ***** than a urinal at Grand Central Station. The bovine crusader quickly continued. "What are you doing later on?" "Well, chances are good that I'll probably watch him eat something else before the night is up." Followed by nervous laughter she resumes... "So yeah, we're having this service down at our chur..." "YEAH?? Alriiiight, now were talking, I wa...wait... oh, THAT kind of service. Nevermind, sorry." Now I'm just ******* with her to try to get her to leave. "Well, yeah." She hesitantly spoke. "It's a bible ser..." "See, I would get offers all the time." My interruptions did not stop. "These girls would come up to me, service this, service that..." She began to appear nervous. "yeah, it's a pretty messed up society we live in." "Yeah, I agree, but if I can catch a heej for five bucks, then ****, why not? Catch as catch can, right?" So this girl tries her best to get a word in edgewise and tries to explain that she was on spring break from plattsburg bible college and that she was from Rhode Island and she took up about half the state or something, et cetera, I don't precisely recall. I was too stunned by her eyeshadow. Finally, I just laid it out. "Listen, lady, thanks for stopping, but I lead a fairly godless existance and I like to keep it that way." "I can understand that." Can you? Really? Oh, that's right...seven dudes, pool table... "well, anyway, the church is having a free ziti dinner and you're invited..." Yeah? ENTICE THE SINNERS WITH ITALIAN FOOD! A tried and proven tactic. ****, if they were serving gnocchi, I'd be baptised and saved already. We thank her for her concern and waste no time in saying goodbye to the lumbering jesus pig and as we bolt out of the door my friend aptly chips in... "The only time anybody ate a lot of free ziti in our town was if someone died or was in the hospital." Perhaps I should have gone to this brainwashing dinner just to hear the trepidatious groans of the cooks seeing this massive missionary squeeze her fat *** through the church hall doors. I mean, take free comedy where you can, right? "Break into the emergency pasta stash and then the food bank for the homeless...this is gonna be a rough one!!" That laugh may even have been worth tolerating the same two questions five thousand times over... "Hey, what's your name? Have you found Jesus?" Actually, on second thought, perhaps not.
WorldWarYou WorldWarYou
31-35, M
17 Responses Feb 26, 2007

It's all very weird. I didn't have an experience that horrific, but the last time was when I was exiting a store on my way to my car when I saw two women facing me, closer to the parking lot. I DID think "Uh-oh". The younger of the two begins heading in my direction holding out a small pamphlet. As I got closer I said "What is it?".. she just stood there, trying to get me to take it.. I asked again "What IS it?". Finally, she blurted out "It's about GOING TO HEAVEN!" I just said.. "Oh, that's okay.. I'll be just fine.. thanks.." and kept walking.<br />
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It is truly pathetic. As long as this stuff persists this will happen. As someone else said here, there are folks from other religions who don't bother forcing their beliefs down others' throats. They don't need to, want to, happy doing their own thing or privately too, believe THEY are the "chosen ones", but who cares? Nobody from ANY group should act as if they are superior beings and I'm sick of it.

that's funny, calling him an idiot xD. He's probably one of the smartest people you will ever meet and you would have no clue what hit you in the face. I agree with you in a way, but you seem to overgeneralize. <br />
This site appears to be a part of a pure hatred for a group of people b/c a lot of these people just ignored the poor guy. Everything he says I also believe in, that everyone is brainwashed. If you hate the Christians what about the other religious sects that are out there? Like Muslim, Catholic, Buddism, etc... They're brainwashed just like the Christians. <br />
What if that guy was an atheist? When you saw him siding with "maybe they aren't bad" were you like he's an automatic Christian? <br />
I personally don't freaking care who you are as long as you aren't intending to murder anyone. <br />
You know what gets me really mad? The fact that no one responded to him. That's, in a way, could be considered brainwashed b/c you're basically forced to ignore him. In fact, it serves as a great indication of THAT. Now if at least one person responded, I wouldn't have thought that now would I have? I'm not hating on you at all either. All I speak is through a logical sense of mind. If you can't take it then you can't serve well in arguments. I'm sorry. And if you think you can scare me away you're wrong -laughs-

ah, it seems as if I've scared the idiot away.<br />
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good.<br />
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one less.

You are a person of low intelligence. <br />
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"[we] must not point out the flaws of certain groups... "<br />
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Why not?<br />
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I live in reality, not an idealists whitewash of it. I observe it as I damn well see fit. The cross-kisser's judgement is as flawed as their religion itself. <br />
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What group am I a part of?<br />
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Realists.

That was by far the most entertaining story about born-again Christians I have ever had the pleasure of reading.

I admire them for being so dedicated to their beliefs but I dont like how they try to force it upon everyone else.

Sadly, he's spot on Dotty ... I've seen it and heard it too many times to recount ... *shudders* But it's entertaining as all he!! to me!

Haha, awesome story.

Brava! I love this story. LOVE IT. I treat them just about the same way. XD I cant stand them. The raaage!

Sitting here laughing my *** off!!!

I loathe them too. They make me want to worship Satan just to **** them off.

**** off, cross kisser.

Most people say the world sucks, at one point or another.<br />
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But yet you and many follow the principles of it. <br />
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Like doing this makes a lot of sense!!! <br />
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Yeah there is good in the world one could focus on, at the expense of ignoring the wrong... thats really good!!<br />
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But You are so concerned, to insult the brainwashed Christians, but stop to think who brainwashed you?!!!<br />
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Popular belief? The trends of the times? It was once popular and great number of people agreed with the war against Iraq, but now, that has changed!!!<br />
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But whatever ever beliefs you hold on to ... guess what? You have been brainwashed to hold these beliefs.<br />
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why do you hold on to these popular beliefs? because of the so called experts and scientific evidence? <br />
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It was once believed by the scienceits of that time that the earth was flat.<br />
Boy where they wrong!! Science evolved at least as to the knowledge we have attained. ARE You brainwashed by them? Somethings they believed were not true later discoveries show them, some of their theories were wrong!!!<br />
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Why talk about others when The brainwashing is also happened to you.<br />
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Yes, Most Christians are wrong, even with their walk, but don't hate them. Your brainwashing that lead to the beliefs you hold, many are off too. And I don' t hate you, and your kind.<br />
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Many who call themselves Christians here in the US and around the world are really not! Specially Bush!!!<br />
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You are not free because you can hold any beliefs you want!!! Are you held by popular belief? or the so called science hold you captive to their beliefs? <br />
If not then are you held up with your own beliefs....many people really are the result of brainwashing and many don't even know it!!!<br />
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The truth is everyone is brainwashed, <br />
Who brainwashed you?<br />
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Who has the right, to brainwash you unknowingly?<br />
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Submissive Love

I refer to them as "Boring Again Christians."

god damn them all. its one thing to be religous but holy ******* jesus CRIST(haha jesus) people are annoying. these people once came into my over 60 year old grandmas house, asked her to come in and talk with her about GOD and then she went to get them drinks and some snacks THEY STOLEE SHITT.<br />
********. ah fuckem, i pity people who cant live without a religion. my grandma saw my stairway to heaven shirt and told me i was taking the stairway to hell. ive got nothin againt religios people but i do have something against douch bags.<br />
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if someone ever tries to pull **** like that on me ill shove a godamn cross up thier ***. then god will really be in em. lol<br />
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actually im a pretty nice person. but its late and jack daniels runs fresh in my system. <br />
oh "you've seen more ***** than a urinal at Grand Central Station." HAHA that was FUNNYYYY

Hahaha, awesome. <br />
I mean, no disrespect to thy brain-washed bible culture of idiots. <br />
But that **** was funny.

I loath them too with all my heart and all my sole of my shoe.