Its Not About A Boyfriend

Its not even about having a boyfriend. Im nineteen and dont feel ready for all that. It makes me feel as if im collared i want freedom. But a close guy friend would be nice. A close friend period would be nice. And i have good friends its just sometimes i feel like a therapist more than a friend you know they suck you dry for love and attention. Attention i wish i had for myself. But theres nothing special about me even though im taunted by my brothers and sisters and called the special one because i have a mental illness and therefore im the alien at the table. But to have the love and atenttion of others you have to be special and really im not special. Theres a guy on facebook id love to call him every curse word in the book. I had feelings for him now i feel nothing. And it takes its toll on you after awhile trying to find love or someone to care. But guys make me feel good at the same time. when theres a guy around i can connect in a conversation even if im not relating to the particular conversation. Id settle getting close to a guy. But it wont happen. Cause no one really understands me heck i dont even understand myself. And there isnt a guy or girl who could truly make me happy again
deleted deleted
26-30
1 Response May 7, 2012

gosh i feel you, I felt just like this during high school (i'm 5years out now). I still have some of these feelings but i have manged them better through my very hard *** best friend. She has always told me i deserved better but until i stayed with her for two weeks and realized that i could everything on my own i never really "heard" her. She is hard to talk about emotions but she's one tough ***** that's help me become stronger.