Isn't What We All Want?

I have had it good I have had it bad. I think most of us have especially those of us that are older. It is what makes us who we really are. I loved one woman in my life more than anybody. I am not going to say i never will love someone else that much again, that would be foolish. We got along great when we first met. I wanted to be with her all of the time and she wanted to be with me. We both worked full time, so we didn't get a lot of free time, but when we did we were together. I was trying to get to know her and wanted her to do the same for me. I paid attention to the things she liked and didn't like. We could sit and talk for hours or not talk. I knew she was different. She was one of those women who was not a knock-out beauty but you grow-on-you beautiful woman. The more I looked at her the more beautiful she became. I went to work on the road because the money was very good. She went with me the first time. We talked about it and decided that she didn't really like being away from the house, so she didn't go anymore. I believe that was not the best thing for us but I really don't know. I never got to ask her. We stayed together though for a total of 5 1/2 years. We talked all the time when I was away working, and I work about 9 or 10 months of the year. I would come home whenever I got the chance. She knew everything about me and I knew everything about her. I am the type of person that when i give myself to someone I give all of me to them. I think everybody holds back on some things because we don't want to hurt them. It is not because we don't want them to know. I don't know that anybody will ever understand that about me, I wish that somebody could though. I am the most loyal person in the world and stay that way even when I get **** on. If I like you and commit to you don't ever have to worry about me letting you down on purpose.

I had been home for about 3 weeks, I kissed her by and we said our I love you's. I flew out that afternoon and before I got to the job, she sent me a text and said she was through with us. I told her I would be back as quick as I could. She called and told me not to bother that it was over she was done. I tried to figure that out for a long time. It completely destroyed me. I was convinced she was my soul-mate. We made all kinds of promises to each other and shared secrets, everything. She had found some one else is what happened though. That was almost 10 years ago. Since there have been a few but no one has ever got to know me that well. The one person I thought did know me used it to hurt me. There were things that I had told her were my biggest fears in life and she made sure she used those things against me. I would love to find some one who really knew me and understood me. I think the only one who will really ever know me will be me. It is something I understand more and more the older I get. What you can find from time to time though is someone who accepts who you are. When you do just go with it for as long as it last. Just remember though, you are the only person that really knows yourself. The longing for that connection is what keeps us going.
forcefulbehavior forcefulbehavior
36-40, M
Dec 2, 2012