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I Have Been 18 For 10 Years Now...

When i was in high school, around age 16, people started mistaking me for older, usually they guessed 18. As i got older, with each passing year, people have continued to guess that i'm 18. I turned 19, then 20, then 21, then 22, 23, 24, and now i am currently 25 damn years old, turning 26 on december 18th. And on december 18th of every year, i cheers to another year of being mistaken for 18. Sometimes i like it, and i think well hey i guess i'm aging well! Maybe i just look young, fresh, vibrant! This should be good news. You would think. And other days, i wonder, do i just have a young face..? Or do people think i'm younger because... do i just appear immature for my age..? I hope that's not it. I don't feel that i act immature, and yet i also don't feel like i act how i thought i'd act at 25. When i was younger and i thought about where i'd be at 25, well this just isn't it. And yet, i've been through so my **** in the last 7 years, i definitely am not the person i was back when i was 18. I've had so many new experiences; emotionally there's just so much more to me. My point in sharing this story... i'm not sure of. I guess i've just been wondering if i'm stuck in some sort of 18 year old warp world. Like i'm afraid to change. I remember the year i turned 16 was the year i became comfortable with myself for the first time. I learned how to do my makeup, and my hair, and how to dress. Some say that we all tend to wear clothes that remind us of happy times, a happy time in our life. Maybe i'm holding on to something. Maybe i present myself the same as i did at 16, because it's the only thing that feels like me. The "me" i feel comfortable with. I'm scared to death to be "older", and have a "career" and wear "grown up" clothes, and become “cynical.” I'm going to college right now to land myself a "career" type job...but my heart isn't in it. I just don't think i'll ever fit in in that world. I'm thinking i'm going to have to go the artist route... my dream job would be to become a fantastic photographer. And ideally, a travel photographer...a job i could travel to all sorts of places and take photos, mountains, underwater, whatever. i know i would be good at it, and i really enjoy it. It would be such an uncertain path...landing jobs and then dealing with terrible droughts...with no work at all...what if there's too much competition...what if i can't compete..? But i think it has to be. I can't be a professional working in an office, because in my opinion people in this atmosphere are stuck up, narrow minded, boring, rude human beings. (i'm just drawing this from my own personal experience in an office atmosphere, or any kind of “mature” setting.) I feel like everyone is up on their high horse, and take stupid things, the WRONG things, too seriously. I feel alienated in this kind of atmosphere. I literally feel like an alien from another planet, here to observe these human's way abouts, and trying to fit in so no one will know that i'm actually not one of their kind. I feel like i'm trying to be something that i'm not. Maybe I just don’t want to end up cynical. As people get older they seem to melt. Like their personality becomes more and more…sad and angry at the world. And RUDE! And uncaring, and selfish. And focused on the wrong things in life. And most of all, narrow minded. So focused on what they've been doing for so many years, that they don't see anything else. An intelligent conversation is impossible because they arn't questioning life anymore, they've quietly accepted their sad fate. (i am not trying to offend anyone, this is just how i see myself ending up if i choose the wrong path in life) I feel like I will be a child for life. There’s a quote I like that states that we should all keep our childlike innocence. And I feel like I’ve kept mine pretty well so far. Every day I think about how I can achieve and maintain a peaceful mind and spirit. A happy go lucky, easygoing, understanding, trusting spirit. To never become cynical and rude. To be fun, and easy to talk to, someone you want around (but without being fake) as often as possible. Maybe this is why I am mistaken as 18. Because i make a point to not appear cynical, or stuck up. I never act superior. I have child like innocence..? I can always hope that’s it. :)
anonymousgirl12345678910 anonymousgirl12345678910 22-25, F 6 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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Yes you are very pretty but age is really just a number you are only as old as you feel. I am 33, people say I look 24 but I feel like I am 15 lol

Katie you are beautiful and i would guess about 19 :)

Aww thank you! Someone guessed i was 17 today lol

feel like everyone is up on their high horse, and take stupid things, the WRONG things, too seriously. I feel alienated in this kind of atmosphere. I literally feel like an alien from another planet, here to observe these human's way abouts, and trying to fit in so no one will know that i'm actually not one of their kind. I feel like i'm trying to be something that i'm not. I just love these words, I have felt like an Alien all my life for exactly the same reason , I keep telling my self dont try to fit in be your self, but its so difficult in social situations i honestly just dont understand most people, some times i think to my self i really wish my alien friends would take me back home. Thank you for sharing its nice to know im not the only alien.

I'm an adult, but in my mind, I'm a fake grown up. All the "real grown ups" are easy to spot, because they are overly concerned with unimportant things.
You hit the nail on the head.

:) The same ...

Everyone get shock when they know my real age... they always estimate that I am between 18-22 .. while I just turned 30!

In the other hand, my younger sister looks bigger than me.. which is annoying to her i guess.. no one would believe that there are 6 years between me and her :p.. /

Yes I totally agree! For some odd reason I think most grown ups are stuck up and always caring about each other. There IS a difference in how we interpret things. Maybe the media is brainwashing us for over the years and this is how we view our way of life. Perhaps when we grow older we lose things that once brought joy in our lives.
To keep a childhood mindset isn't wrong. It's view as abnormal because we "think" that it's pointless. We as naive humans believe that to gain something we have to lose something.
Let me tell you something that everyone on this website knows; we live, we die. To make money is POINTLESS. Love and happiness is truly what our life goals should be. Not to marry some supermodel or gain fame through pretending someone you're not.
I hope you will have this gift of innocence through the rest of your life, because we all know what happens when we figuratively lose our hearts to greed, hatred and revenge.
Stay innocent, young at heart and happiness is surely by your side.